Rot

Why can't he just be the kind of guy who drunk-calls me cause he misses me? Or shows up unexpected cause he can't stay away? Or cause the lights are on. Or am I just not the kind of girl you do that with?

I don't get the flowers. They were free, cause the flowerist didn't want to bring them with him. Cause they're almost dead. I'm worth dead, unsellable flowers..

Why even bring them? Why try to do something for me on valentines, if it's not to be seen as a romantic gesture? It's like he wanted to do something for me, but had to downgrade it, so I wouldn't put anything into it. So why even do it?

He brought me purple flowers on a crappy day. They even have the color of lilacs, my favorites. If it had been raining, it would fit my description of a true romantic gesture.

It's confusing. I love the gesture, I just don't understand it. I wish he would be around. I wish I was surrounded by his smell in stead of the smell of dying flowers..

And I keep hearing lyrics in my head.

"I've waited a hundred years.
But I'd wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch,
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush,
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what I was living for all along.
What I've been living for.

Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I've been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than, your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours
Well, I would have known what I've been living for all along.
What I've been living for.

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees."