A health, a health, my kingdom for a health!

Okay, so two blogs on one night might seem over the top. Whatever, it's my blog, I'll write as often as I want, or not at all. I can't sleep. I am tired, more then I have been in a long time, due to the fact that I slept maybe an hour, all in all, last night. And I did get a nap at the grandparent's earlier, but 5 hours of sleep is not a lot to go on, for 2 days. I yawn so much I can barely see the damn screen.

It's cold. And quiet. And I'm sneezing. Not to mention the cat is poking me every five minutes. I'm annoyed at being tired, and I'm tired of being annoyed. Generally, lately, annoyance has been too easily provoked in me. Actually, everything has been easily provoked in me. Anger, annoyance, defensiveness, sadness, bitterness. All the negatives. And I don't seem to be able to control them very well. I snap at people all the time, I know I'm unreasonable while doing it, yet I can't seem to stop it. I can barely sit through the weekly visit with the grandparents. One minute I want to bite my grandmother's head off for constantly saying things that makes me feel like a 5-year old, and the next I want to smack my granddad for trying to be funny with the same jokes I've heard thousands of times, things that stopped being funny when I actually WAS 5.

I get annoyed by the constant offerings.

"I can get this for you?" No, that's okay, I'll do it myself.
"Do you want that?" If I do, I'll say so.
"We have cookies in the cabinet?" Not in the mood.
"Oh, if you don't want that we have.." Oh just shut up already!

I know where the fridge is and that I have free access, I can get my own glass from the cabinet, I can open the window on my own, I know where the towels are!

And the endless discussions! About things completely irrelevant. Who the hell cares if the bakery used to be a hatstore 60 years ago, it's not anymore, what the hell do you need the info for?! And why does it have to be discussed so loudly?! Who's life depends on it, since a disagreement makes you scream your lungs out at eachother? You're adding to my freaking headache! Sit down, shut up, discuss it like adults and stop fucking yelling already! And saying "no!" 5 times because you disagree, will NOT make you right. Try an argument. Try reasoning better then "I saw it on tv!" TV is not always right. Humans make it; It's flawed.

Ah. Acid relieved a bit. What I actually wanted to say was that I get too worked up over little insignificant things. And I'm starting to think I might want to stop by my physician. The government does not pay the poor guy enough, for how often I bother him. But I'm going to have to ask for some more bloodwork. I could be mistaken, but I think my hormones are way off. And if I'm right, I'll be needing different meds.

Could be I'm stressed. You know, in that unaware way the doctors are so fond of. But my mood is untrustworthy, I'm losing weight despite eating more regularly then I have in a very long time and moving less then usual, I am constantly tired, and I wake up constantly during the night. I've always been a light sleeper, and though it has helped, lately, to sleep next to someone, I can feel a difference. When I wake up, even after having been in bed for 12 hours, I'm still tired, and have to force myself to get up and do something, to get going. A couple of days ago I even got a nosebleed, out of nowhere. Now that has been awhile.

Ew. My hips and collarbone are actually starting to show. Usually, when I wear a skirt or run around in underwear, my thighs will touch eachother. They don't, anymore. I'm down to a weight that I haven't been at since I was 12. And that's about 4 inches in height ago. I am 2 lbs, 1 kg, from my minimum weight. I'm hating this.