I. Am. Beat. But in the amazingly good way. In the way that tells me I'll sleep really well tonight. Soon, actually, I'm barely still sitting up straight. It's been a good couple of days for me. The weekend in Jutland went by decently serene. Kattegat Centret was all that I thought it to be, and more. We saw the sharks getting fed, one of them looked like the freaking bad guy in a Disney movie, all teeth and evil grins. I loved that one, but it was scary as hell. I got The Bat a shark tooth, cause I know she loves sharks and really wants to visit the place, too, and figured I'd get her something cool from it, at least.
We ate at McDonalds, lol, and I have to say I'm disappointed in McDonalds, Grenå. The theme for toys was Ice Age 3, but they didn't have anything left!! I wanted to get Zith for The Bat, and possibly Scrat for A, just to be a silly little pest to them, and then the damn place is out of toys! Bugger, Jack Sparrow style.
The hostel was.. wow. It was interesting. It was a huge, red, brick building, with long hallways, doors on either side so it looked like a school camp or something. Vending machines with soda, a shabby old shuffle board game, and a foozeball machine filled the open areas. The room itself was tiny. Really tiny. Like, half my room here at home, tiny. The beds folded down from the walls, and created two bunk-bed-like environments. If that wasn't enough, they had mannaged to stuff a closet, a dining table and 4 chairs in there. And the smallest flatscreen tv I've seen in my life.
And something was wrong with either the toilet or the drain in our bathroom, so the room smelled really interesting when we got there. I never want to sleep in such a small room, with 3 people again. Especially not when one of them snores.
On the positive side, I went for a walk in the nearby forest with my stepbrother, with a flashlight, hunting for badgers, really late at night. Which was actually really nice. We talked and laughed and was disgusted by the amount of snails on the trail. It's still weird he's suddenly a teenager. I don't know if I can get used to that.
Sunday morning we got up really early, to eat breakfeast, pack up, check out, and get to the amusement park. Best one I've ever visited. The Pirate, the biggest, fastest roller coaster in Denmark.. It really really lives up to the expectations. F*** it was fast. And fun. And the guy next to me screamed more then I did. He was funny as all hell. Aka, he totally panicked on the way up the hill, and directly told me he was a wuss at roller coasters. But it was worth the 30 minute queing time.
We got home at around.. 8? in the evening, Sunday night. I had to make a stop at The Bat's place, to calm her down, stop an explosion from happening. But she's all better now, which is good.
Monday I went to pick up the furball at the grandparents'. And he had obviously missed me, but he always seems to do, even if I've only been gone long enough to fetch a coke at 7/11. Then I went over to A, and we had a great evening, talking, laughing, gaming WoW (which I've been avoiding on purpose, cause I just know it has the ability to suck me in and addict me!), and eventually decided that staying up late and me sleeping over, was much more fun then him going to work in the morning. We didn't get up till noon (mhmm, luxurious sleeping habits, I know,) and after getting some breakfeast and poking the sleeping lion, (or rather tickling it, and it's a dragon... Consequences be damned, it's too much fun :D) I finally had to surrender to my plans for the day. Saying goodbye in the door has a whole new meaning, now. ;)
Anyways. We got cleared out most of The Bat's apartment, now I actually think there might be room for the boyfriend when he moves in with her. We threw out a lot of things, and stuffed a whole lot more in the basement, and even put up some different curtains. The orange ones were just.. horrendous. Pizza and some stand-up to wrap it up, and it's a day. I am tired. Tired but very very happy.
And too kind to Rhinos.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Insert Clever Title Here
Mmm, listening to All I Need by Within Temptation. How I love that song, it's so powerful you almost feel wind in the room. Or I do ^.^
Closed the café last night. People were pretty damn slow about getting their asses out the door, so I had to get a little firm with them. Apparently my adorably charming self don't shine through my firm way of handling slow people. Go figure.
Dropping the cat off at the grandparents' later, he's staying there over the weekend while I'm in Jutland, playing house with the family. I'm going to see sharks up close, I'm pretty excited about that ^.^ And waterslides sunday. Hopefully they won't be as life threatening as the ones last time with The Bat.
Ugh, I'm annoying myself. I'm super impatient, eager to DO something, and at a total lack of what that should be. I'm BORED. And that damn bike-race is all over the place. It's like I'm constantly waiting to do something, that I don't know what is. I want to work, dammit. And there's no work to get. I want to live at the cinema and watch all the movies that's playing. But I can't afford that. I'm tired of being poor. And bored.
Okay, enough bitching. Something positive. No, wait, there's one more thing I want to bitch about. My artistic abilities are totally dwindling! Seriously, I'm unhappy about my singing, my writing either sucks or just won't come. I'm uninspired. That, my friends, is sick. It actually makes me feel all surface, no depth. Which is ridiculous, creativity has nothing to do with being shallow, but when what I'm usually passionate about suddenly won't cooperate, it's like being pushed to the surface of myself, and I can't get back down. Insert angry, frustrated noise.
Okay. On the positive side. I might actually be able to afford that haircut I've been talking about for the past 3 months. I don't know why I didn't think of the school for hairdressers before. Less then 100 dkk for a haircut, yay ^.^ And yeah yeah, I know it's students who'll cut your hair then, but honestly, the best haircut I've ever gotten was by a student. So I'm optimistic.
Could you all please cross your fingers that this weekend won't be hell? I get along fine with my stepbrother, but our parents can really fucking kill any positiveness when they get going. I'm gonna have to pack my funny-face later, cause someone has to be the cheerful center, if we're all going to make it through the weekend. Or I'll just grab the kid and leave them to their bickering. Hopefully the hostel has a pool or something. Naw, it's Jutland, I won't get my hopes up for a pool. I'll be lucky to even have electricity.
I'm looking forward to The Bat's party. Whenever it'll be. Getting drunk seems like a good solution to any problem, right about now. Well, that or a suitable amount of dynamite.
Closed the café last night. People were pretty damn slow about getting their asses out the door, so I had to get a little firm with them. Apparently my adorably charming self don't shine through my firm way of handling slow people. Go figure.
Dropping the cat off at the grandparents' later, he's staying there over the weekend while I'm in Jutland, playing house with the family. I'm going to see sharks up close, I'm pretty excited about that ^.^ And waterslides sunday. Hopefully they won't be as life threatening as the ones last time with The Bat.
Ugh, I'm annoying myself. I'm super impatient, eager to DO something, and at a total lack of what that should be. I'm BORED. And that damn bike-race is all over the place. It's like I'm constantly waiting to do something, that I don't know what is. I want to work, dammit. And there's no work to get. I want to live at the cinema and watch all the movies that's playing. But I can't afford that. I'm tired of being poor. And bored.
Okay, enough bitching. Something positive. No, wait, there's one more thing I want to bitch about. My artistic abilities are totally dwindling! Seriously, I'm unhappy about my singing, my writing either sucks or just won't come. I'm uninspired. That, my friends, is sick. It actually makes me feel all surface, no depth. Which is ridiculous, creativity has nothing to do with being shallow, but when what I'm usually passionate about suddenly won't cooperate, it's like being pushed to the surface of myself, and I can't get back down. Insert angry, frustrated noise.
Okay. On the positive side. I might actually be able to afford that haircut I've been talking about for the past 3 months. I don't know why I didn't think of the school for hairdressers before. Less then 100 dkk for a haircut, yay ^.^ And yeah yeah, I know it's students who'll cut your hair then, but honestly, the best haircut I've ever gotten was by a student. So I'm optimistic.
Could you all please cross your fingers that this weekend won't be hell? I get along fine with my stepbrother, but our parents can really fucking kill any positiveness when they get going. I'm gonna have to pack my funny-face later, cause someone has to be the cheerful center, if we're all going to make it through the weekend. Or I'll just grab the kid and leave them to their bickering. Hopefully the hostel has a pool or something. Naw, it's Jutland, I won't get my hopes up for a pool. I'll be lucky to even have electricity.
I'm looking forward to The Bat's party. Whenever it'll be. Getting drunk seems like a good solution to any problem, right about now. Well, that or a suitable amount of dynamite.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Insomnia: Part 1
Mmm.. I'm really restless right now. Incredibly tired, unable to sleep, and very, very restless. It's too quiet in here. The cat isn't even annoying me, he's silent and out of sight. (Which should worry me, he's probably up to trouble.)
I'm in a very odd mood. Don't really know why, I had a great day. My sister and her boyfriend came over for coffee, and we spent a couple of hours together. Talking about her vacation in Spain, while her boyfriend and mom's boyfriend beat eachother in pool.
I finished my book, which is the only sad thing today. I know, I know, it's the third time I read it, but now I'm back to my Anne Rice dilemma. I just can't get through the damn book, I've attempted it like 4 times already. I could re-read the Hobbit, which I actually already started, then got distracted from it. Only a couple of chapters in. I don't know, I feel like reading a good vampire book, but not one as heavy as Anne Rice's. I'm indecisive.
I got through some laundry, which always makes me happy, cause I tend to push it off, laundry isn't my favorite chore. (It's better then dishes, though. I despise doing dishes.)
And then I spent a little time with A, which is always great. I like. Got home a little past midnight, which isn't too bad, I'm getting up early. Couldn't exactly foresee the lack of sleep I run into from time to time.
It's that, it's the lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking too much. That killed a little of the otherwise good sunday. I'm not even sure what I've been thinking about. I zone out of my own thoughts, that's rather disturbing.
I'm not good at not knowing things. I'm trying to come to terms with it, to just accept that I don't always need to know everything. To knock into my own head that I can't predict the future, as well as I can't always plan it, and that's perfectly okay. But it's difficult to change behavioural patterns that has followed me since childhood.
Life can be bloody difficult, sometimes. And right now, it's really not. What's difficult, is understanding the whole thoughtprocess of moving from one point to another. The conscious and unconscious ways we deal with things, and how those things affect us. How they can pull out memories from the past, and make us behave one way, or be so new and different to us, we have to find new ways to handle them. How they make us grow.
Yeah, I know. It's bloody late, and I'm babbling again. I don't always see how the dots connect, myself, before I suddenly reach the final point. I can't always explain how I connect one thing to another in a splitsecond, and connect that new thing to another. I can start out with the color red and end up talking about how funny the danish word for biscuit sounds, if repeated enough times, slowly. And in my head, it will make perfect sense how I got there from just the color red.
That's pretty much how my mind works. I hear or say something, and my brain suddenly explodes with a million thoughts, images, sounds, smells, reasons, connections, some of them flashing too briefly, too quickly for me to grasp onto.
I've been told I sometimes seem less intelligent then I am. Not because I say stupid things, which I'm sure I do often, if I'm not mumbling or stumbling over my words cause I get too eager to say them properly. But because I don't say something, often enough. Probably true. I prefer having some time to think about my answer, before giving my opinion on a subject. Because, presented with a subject, my brain tends to do the explosion thing. And it takes a little while to gather enough of the splinters to form a coherent sentence. No, not sentence. Meaning. To get my point across in a way that others understand, something that isn't just every fifth dot in my brain. There's so much to say. So many things. And I'm so bad at explaining them to those who don't get how my mind works.
It's a constant overload of information, emotions, knowledge.. My mind is chaos. I should draw you all a map.
I'm in a very odd mood. Don't really know why, I had a great day. My sister and her boyfriend came over for coffee, and we spent a couple of hours together. Talking about her vacation in Spain, while her boyfriend and mom's boyfriend beat eachother in pool.
I finished my book, which is the only sad thing today. I know, I know, it's the third time I read it, but now I'm back to my Anne Rice dilemma. I just can't get through the damn book, I've attempted it like 4 times already. I could re-read the Hobbit, which I actually already started, then got distracted from it. Only a couple of chapters in. I don't know, I feel like reading a good vampire book, but not one as heavy as Anne Rice's. I'm indecisive.
I got through some laundry, which always makes me happy, cause I tend to push it off, laundry isn't my favorite chore. (It's better then dishes, though. I despise doing dishes.)
And then I spent a little time with A, which is always great. I like. Got home a little past midnight, which isn't too bad, I'm getting up early. Couldn't exactly foresee the lack of sleep I run into from time to time.
It's that, it's the lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking too much. That killed a little of the otherwise good sunday. I'm not even sure what I've been thinking about. I zone out of my own thoughts, that's rather disturbing.
I'm not good at not knowing things. I'm trying to come to terms with it, to just accept that I don't always need to know everything. To knock into my own head that I can't predict the future, as well as I can't always plan it, and that's perfectly okay. But it's difficult to change behavioural patterns that has followed me since childhood.
Life can be bloody difficult, sometimes. And right now, it's really not. What's difficult, is understanding the whole thoughtprocess of moving from one point to another. The conscious and unconscious ways we deal with things, and how those things affect us. How they can pull out memories from the past, and make us behave one way, or be so new and different to us, we have to find new ways to handle them. How they make us grow.
Yeah, I know. It's bloody late, and I'm babbling again. I don't always see how the dots connect, myself, before I suddenly reach the final point. I can't always explain how I connect one thing to another in a splitsecond, and connect that new thing to another. I can start out with the color red and end up talking about how funny the danish word for biscuit sounds, if repeated enough times, slowly. And in my head, it will make perfect sense how I got there from just the color red.
That's pretty much how my mind works. I hear or say something, and my brain suddenly explodes with a million thoughts, images, sounds, smells, reasons, connections, some of them flashing too briefly, too quickly for me to grasp onto.
I've been told I sometimes seem less intelligent then I am. Not because I say stupid things, which I'm sure I do often, if I'm not mumbling or stumbling over my words cause I get too eager to say them properly. But because I don't say something, often enough. Probably true. I prefer having some time to think about my answer, before giving my opinion on a subject. Because, presented with a subject, my brain tends to do the explosion thing. And it takes a little while to gather enough of the splinters to form a coherent sentence. No, not sentence. Meaning. To get my point across in a way that others understand, something that isn't just every fifth dot in my brain. There's so much to say. So many things. And I'm so bad at explaining them to those who don't get how my mind works.
It's a constant overload of information, emotions, knowledge.. My mind is chaos. I should draw you all a map.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
For sentimental reasons..
Ahh.. First day of not-so-completely-sore rest since.. Wednesday? I don't even remember. I've spent the entire day relaxing. Reading. Changing sheets. (There's nothing better then the feeling of slipping between crisp, clean sheets and falling asleep.) And I think that's the only productive thing I've done all day.
Last night at L's was a lot of fun. And horror. But that was mainly do to some very unexpected people popping up out of nowhere. People I haven't seen in years, and for the life of me didn't think would ever show up, among the people I call friends, today. The noise eventually caught up with me, and I fled for awhile, and spent some time just talking to some of the guys, about this and that.
Especially the talk with L himself made the night worth it. I have to agree with him, I've really enjoyed my friendship with him lately, it's in a good place. And he got me more naked men from Italy. David's. I can't complain about that.
The whole family vacation thing is kicking off on monday, and I'll be away for at least 3 days, stuffed away in a hostel in Jutland. Not that I'm not looking forward to it, we're gonna visit some places I've been talking about since I was a kid. But I do have a preference for Copenhagen. And the people here. I'm going to miss them. Even for just 3 days, yes. (3 days with my family feels like a long time. A loooong time.)
Okay, the soreness? I think I really do need someone to straighten out my neck. It sort of feels.. too tight? Like the muscles have shortened considerably. Nasty sounds coming from it, too.
What else. I know there was something else I wanted to spout a bit of venom about. Heh, spout venom, I like that. I don't really have the patience for the people who annoy me, and so I've decided them disappearing makes me a lot happier. Yup. I didn't know that worked till recently, but if it works with one, why not with another, right? Yes, I generalize when I'm fed up. Why bother to deny it.
I'm just.. getting really tired of always being.. Powerless. I hate.. HATE when others make my decisions. I think I've brushed the subject before, but it's very very deep in me. Recently, someone I considered a very very close friend of mine, decided he no longer wanted to be part of my life. He couldn't accept who I have grown into. Couldn't accept my behaviour, or the people he considered dangerous for me. People I call friends.
Everyone makes mistakes. And I have friends who have made several. But I always give people a chance. If. If certain.. demands? are fulfilled. Recognition, repsonsibility and remorse for their mistakes. If I see those three things, if I feel them honestly expressed from a person who has wronged me, I'm willing to forgive and let them have another chance.
This one friend is very strict and consequent. He doesn't believe in second chances, and we've always been different like that. His life has brought him to believe firmly in one thing, mine has been kind enough to show me another. That's just how it is. I accepted it a long time ago.
During the past 6 months or so, that difference has, however, become more and more of an issue. It has torn and ripped at the edges of our friendship, and I've hated every second of it. I could feel it growing into this massive wall between us, a wall of annoyance and animosity towards eachother. It's been.. devastating. I've sought comfort in other friends, which has probably just pushed us further apart, to be honest.
I used to have a very clear view of how to handle rifts between us. I used to be better at it. But my wants and goals and beliefs have changed so much since then, my attitude, my way of handling things and the way I want to lead my life, has changed. My former wish to mend the pieces, to fix the broken, to rebuild the shattered is no longer there. Cause it feels like it's all that I'm doing.
And haven't I been sad for so long, that it's always the same, that I've been completely unable to move on from my former life? I'll turn 20 this fall, and I still feel like I'm an insecure teenager in school, sometimes. Unsure of the present, unsure of the future. Even unsure of the past. I've been dying to move out of this role, this worn out, tired child who's so lost in sorting everything out, that she's missing her chance to form something new, something beautiful and untouched.
It's probably been the best for us for awhile. To break up the friendship and break up the past, and move on. Even if the feelings behind it all has changed so much over the years, the memory of what they were would always haunt us. So maybe this is a good thing.
I'll miss him. I really fucking will. It hurts to think that someone I've been so close to for so long, will no longer be around. I love the guy to fucking bits. Even the things I can't stand about him, I love. And I've never cared about anyone else like that. It's beyond anything I can even explain, it's like a part of me and like the family you choose yourself, all in one.
I could choose to hate him for this. I could choose to try and ruin his life. I know so many things I could spell out to the world, prove to him you can't trust anyone. I won't. He probably don't read my blog, and he probably couldn't care less. But I find it necessary, feel it necessary to state this. To promise this, to him and to myself. You've been worth too much to me to ever do that to you. No matter what, fuzzhead, things and words passed between us, will for my part stay between us. You don't have to trust it, or to trust me, but this promise will be carried out. The things confided in me will stay with me.
I removed all reminders of him, the other day. It hurt to be reminded of what has been lost. Honestly.. I started hardening myself last time, when I thought it would be the last fight. I knew it wouldn't be long till he cut me off for good. When the quietness began.. I just knew it would be that much sooner. I disconnected as well as I could, from then on, so it wouldn't hurt that much. I collected all photos, old emails, bits and pieces and my necklaces, and put them in a locked box in the back of my closet. One of these days, I'll remove everything from my computer as well. Put it on a disc, put the disc in the box. I know I'll one day regret it, if I completely delete him from my life. Some day, when I'm all grown up and married with kids or whatever, I'll be glad I can open the box, and look back upon that time of my life, fondly.
Or so one can hope. I'll miss you. I'll always love you. And I wish the best for you in life.
Amin mela Lle. Angel.
Last night at L's was a lot of fun. And horror. But that was mainly do to some very unexpected people popping up out of nowhere. People I haven't seen in years, and for the life of me didn't think would ever show up, among the people I call friends, today. The noise eventually caught up with me, and I fled for awhile, and spent some time just talking to some of the guys, about this and that.
Especially the talk with L himself made the night worth it. I have to agree with him, I've really enjoyed my friendship with him lately, it's in a good place. And he got me more naked men from Italy. David's. I can't complain about that.
The whole family vacation thing is kicking off on monday, and I'll be away for at least 3 days, stuffed away in a hostel in Jutland. Not that I'm not looking forward to it, we're gonna visit some places I've been talking about since I was a kid. But I do have a preference for Copenhagen. And the people here. I'm going to miss them. Even for just 3 days, yes. (3 days with my family feels like a long time. A loooong time.)
Okay, the soreness? I think I really do need someone to straighten out my neck. It sort of feels.. too tight? Like the muscles have shortened considerably. Nasty sounds coming from it, too.
What else. I know there was something else I wanted to spout a bit of venom about. Heh, spout venom, I like that. I don't really have the patience for the people who annoy me, and so I've decided them disappearing makes me a lot happier. Yup. I didn't know that worked till recently, but if it works with one, why not with another, right? Yes, I generalize when I'm fed up. Why bother to deny it.
I'm just.. getting really tired of always being.. Powerless. I hate.. HATE when others make my decisions. I think I've brushed the subject before, but it's very very deep in me. Recently, someone I considered a very very close friend of mine, decided he no longer wanted to be part of my life. He couldn't accept who I have grown into. Couldn't accept my behaviour, or the people he considered dangerous for me. People I call friends.
Everyone makes mistakes. And I have friends who have made several. But I always give people a chance. If. If certain.. demands? are fulfilled. Recognition, repsonsibility and remorse for their mistakes. If I see those three things, if I feel them honestly expressed from a person who has wronged me, I'm willing to forgive and let them have another chance.
This one friend is very strict and consequent. He doesn't believe in second chances, and we've always been different like that. His life has brought him to believe firmly in one thing, mine has been kind enough to show me another. That's just how it is. I accepted it a long time ago.
During the past 6 months or so, that difference has, however, become more and more of an issue. It has torn and ripped at the edges of our friendship, and I've hated every second of it. I could feel it growing into this massive wall between us, a wall of annoyance and animosity towards eachother. It's been.. devastating. I've sought comfort in other friends, which has probably just pushed us further apart, to be honest.
I used to have a very clear view of how to handle rifts between us. I used to be better at it. But my wants and goals and beliefs have changed so much since then, my attitude, my way of handling things and the way I want to lead my life, has changed. My former wish to mend the pieces, to fix the broken, to rebuild the shattered is no longer there. Cause it feels like it's all that I'm doing.
And haven't I been sad for so long, that it's always the same, that I've been completely unable to move on from my former life? I'll turn 20 this fall, and I still feel like I'm an insecure teenager in school, sometimes. Unsure of the present, unsure of the future. Even unsure of the past. I've been dying to move out of this role, this worn out, tired child who's so lost in sorting everything out, that she's missing her chance to form something new, something beautiful and untouched.
It's probably been the best for us for awhile. To break up the friendship and break up the past, and move on. Even if the feelings behind it all has changed so much over the years, the memory of what they were would always haunt us. So maybe this is a good thing.
I'll miss him. I really fucking will. It hurts to think that someone I've been so close to for so long, will no longer be around. I love the guy to fucking bits. Even the things I can't stand about him, I love. And I've never cared about anyone else like that. It's beyond anything I can even explain, it's like a part of me and like the family you choose yourself, all in one.
I could choose to hate him for this. I could choose to try and ruin his life. I know so many things I could spell out to the world, prove to him you can't trust anyone. I won't. He probably don't read my blog, and he probably couldn't care less. But I find it necessary, feel it necessary to state this. To promise this, to him and to myself. You've been worth too much to me to ever do that to you. No matter what, fuzzhead, things and words passed between us, will for my part stay between us. You don't have to trust it, or to trust me, but this promise will be carried out. The things confided in me will stay with me.
I removed all reminders of him, the other day. It hurt to be reminded of what has been lost. Honestly.. I started hardening myself last time, when I thought it would be the last fight. I knew it wouldn't be long till he cut me off for good. When the quietness began.. I just knew it would be that much sooner. I disconnected as well as I could, from then on, so it wouldn't hurt that much. I collected all photos, old emails, bits and pieces and my necklaces, and put them in a locked box in the back of my closet. One of these days, I'll remove everything from my computer as well. Put it on a disc, put the disc in the box. I know I'll one day regret it, if I completely delete him from my life. Some day, when I'm all grown up and married with kids or whatever, I'll be glad I can open the box, and look back upon that time of my life, fondly.
Or so one can hope. I'll miss you. I'll always love you. And I wish the best for you in life.
Amin mela Lle. Angel.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Ugh... Ow..
So friday night was spent pathetically. Or at least, that's what we agreed, personally, I found it a rather entertaining way of spending a few hours. Walking in the rain, a milkshake in hand, talking about the troubles of life. And jumping in rainpuddles ^.^
I've rarely been as soked as when I got home. If I wriggled my toes inside my shoes, a little fountain of water found its way out of the hole in one of them. I went to bed early, and got up at freaking 7:30. The ride up to the park was entertaining; we have some pretty damn ridiculous city names in this country. The weather was rather temperamental, the rain wouldn't really fall and the sun wouldn't break through, and the wind was a little on/off-ish.
I remember it as if we spent half the day jumping. Those two boys simply loved it. The other half of the day, I remember being sore from various waterslides. I'm glad only the two of us went in there, the kids would have gotten freaking killed, it was dangerous as all hell. This one slide, was straight ahead with a lot of bumps. You couldn't control how fast you went, you had water flying in your eyes and nose all the way down, so you couldn't see when you'd hit the water, and you couldn't breathe. And you got slung so fast into the water, you really got some bumps and bruises from it.
Now, I thought THAT was a bad slide. Then we went for the ones without the bumps, but also straight, not even very steep. Oh. My. God. It went twice as fast, you couldn't even stay sitting straight, you got flung from side to side and went sideways for most of its length. Again the problem with water getting flung into your face so you couldn't see or breathe. And then. The bottom. Helene got her head smacked into the slide before it slung her into the, way too shallow btw, water. Her arm got scrathed in her attempt to slow down. Myself? I got scratches on my elbows, my butt will never be the same again, my hand got twisted and still hurts like hell, I have a long scratch on my knee, and I have a bump on the back of my scull from my head hitting the bottom of the pool.
Fucking. Ow. And on top of the injuries I acquired there, my muscles are really freaking sore from running around and trying all kinds of rides for 5½ hours. (I just realized how sore my neck is, too.) Not at all a child-friendly waterworld.
Anyway. I fell asleep early. It pretty much hurt to even lie down, though. I need a massage-person. Someone pro, who knows how to straighten out my body. I feel like a pretzel, and not in the good way.
Today, I.. stayed in bed for quite a while. I had to give in to the sounds my stomach was making, eventually, though. I would've gone without food, had it kept quiet. Getting up simply seemed too painful XD But I managed, and once I got moving, it wasn't so bad. Spent the afternoon reading at mom's, ate dinner, and now I'm home.
I'm generally looking forward to tomorrow, as long as I'm not required to drink too much. I'll probably still be sore, I don't need to be tripping over things, too. Maybe I should check facebook for what time it even is. But Lal, welcome home ^^ Glad I don't have to clean up the house afterwards :D
P.S. I got a naked man sent to me from Italy.
I've rarely been as soked as when I got home. If I wriggled my toes inside my shoes, a little fountain of water found its way out of the hole in one of them. I went to bed early, and got up at freaking 7:30. The ride up to the park was entertaining; we have some pretty damn ridiculous city names in this country. The weather was rather temperamental, the rain wouldn't really fall and the sun wouldn't break through, and the wind was a little on/off-ish.
I remember it as if we spent half the day jumping. Those two boys simply loved it. The other half of the day, I remember being sore from various waterslides. I'm glad only the two of us went in there, the kids would have gotten freaking killed, it was dangerous as all hell. This one slide, was straight ahead with a lot of bumps. You couldn't control how fast you went, you had water flying in your eyes and nose all the way down, so you couldn't see when you'd hit the water, and you couldn't breathe. And you got slung so fast into the water, you really got some bumps and bruises from it.
Now, I thought THAT was a bad slide. Then we went for the ones without the bumps, but also straight, not even very steep. Oh. My. God. It went twice as fast, you couldn't even stay sitting straight, you got flung from side to side and went sideways for most of its length. Again the problem with water getting flung into your face so you couldn't see or breathe. And then. The bottom. Helene got her head smacked into the slide before it slung her into the, way too shallow btw, water. Her arm got scrathed in her attempt to slow down. Myself? I got scratches on my elbows, my butt will never be the same again, my hand got twisted and still hurts like hell, I have a long scratch on my knee, and I have a bump on the back of my scull from my head hitting the bottom of the pool.
Fucking. Ow. And on top of the injuries I acquired there, my muscles are really freaking sore from running around and trying all kinds of rides for 5½ hours. (I just realized how sore my neck is, too.) Not at all a child-friendly waterworld.
Anyway. I fell asleep early. It pretty much hurt to even lie down, though. I need a massage-person. Someone pro, who knows how to straighten out my body. I feel like a pretzel, and not in the good way.
Today, I.. stayed in bed for quite a while. I had to give in to the sounds my stomach was making, eventually, though. I would've gone without food, had it kept quiet. Getting up simply seemed too painful XD But I managed, and once I got moving, it wasn't so bad. Spent the afternoon reading at mom's, ate dinner, and now I'm home.
I'm generally looking forward to tomorrow, as long as I'm not required to drink too much. I'll probably still be sore, I don't need to be tripping over things, too. Maybe I should check facebook for what time it even is. But Lal, welcome home ^^ Glad I don't have to clean up the house afterwards :D
P.S. I got a naked man sent to me from Italy.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Display
Yesterday was announced official "Men Sucks" day. At least between the bat and I. Mainly for her sake, really, but the idea was wonderful, and I decided to support it. (That way, she got to fume and rage, which she really fucking needed to do, or she just might have attacked someone with a frozen eggroll.)
Allthough it presented a nice opportunity for myself to fume and rage a little bit. I've been holding anger in for a week, it would have exploded at some point if I didn't let it out. Thankfully, my anger was met with total understanding. One thing that has really bothered me is the mentioning of my name. In public. I don't mind a person yelling at me, having a problem with me, discussing this problem and calling me a bitch to their friends, if that's what they want. But to be as disrespectful as to put my name out there in such a negative way... That is infuriating.
Note that, in my blogs. I might be severely angry with someone. I might want to seperate their heads from their body. But I do not mention their names. If I mention a name in a blog, it's in a harmless or happy situation. I don't put people on display.
And that is yet another problem I have with a person I, quite frankly, have gotten along with like shit, as of late. This infuriatingly disrespectful person.
I have acknowledged the fact that I did something, or rather I neglected to do something, which hurt this person. I acknowledged and apologized for my mistake.
Through this whole.. disagreement, in lack of better word, I have been disrespected, ignored, pushed, yelled at, put on public display and tolerated demeaning behaviour.
Through this whole thing, I have heard excuses, explanations, rationalizations and looked at fingers pointing to me.
Not once. Not once have I heard or even detected an apology. Not once has this person said to me, "Okay, I shouldn't have pushed you into telling me."
Not once have they acknowledged the fact that they never had the right to push me. That if I chose to tell them, it would be because I wanted to, in my own time.
Time. All I needed. And no. Caring isn't an excuse. Being interested in my life isn't and excuse. The second the words "I'm not ready to talk about it yet." left my mouth, they should have been respected. And they weren't. And I do not tolerate that.
Pushing me, after me having said that, is a way to get what you want yourself. That had NOTHING to do with caring about what happens in my life. When you push a matter I've said no to, claiming your RIGHT to it, you're robbing me of my freedom to do or say what I want. THAT is where I get that point from, because that is how I see it. As an attempt to rob me of that freedom.
So no, I will not "talk this out" or "listen to an explanation". Until there's a true, honest acknowledgement of YOUR mistakes, YOUR responsibility and YOUR misjudgements, I will not listen. End of story.
Allthough it presented a nice opportunity for myself to fume and rage a little bit. I've been holding anger in for a week, it would have exploded at some point if I didn't let it out. Thankfully, my anger was met with total understanding. One thing that has really bothered me is the mentioning of my name. In public. I don't mind a person yelling at me, having a problem with me, discussing this problem and calling me a bitch to their friends, if that's what they want. But to be as disrespectful as to put my name out there in such a negative way... That is infuriating.
Note that, in my blogs. I might be severely angry with someone. I might want to seperate their heads from their body. But I do not mention their names. If I mention a name in a blog, it's in a harmless or happy situation. I don't put people on display.
And that is yet another problem I have with a person I, quite frankly, have gotten along with like shit, as of late. This infuriatingly disrespectful person.
I have acknowledged the fact that I did something, or rather I neglected to do something, which hurt this person. I acknowledged and apologized for my mistake.
Through this whole.. disagreement, in lack of better word, I have been disrespected, ignored, pushed, yelled at, put on public display and tolerated demeaning behaviour.
Through this whole thing, I have heard excuses, explanations, rationalizations and looked at fingers pointing to me.
Not once. Not once have I heard or even detected an apology. Not once has this person said to me, "Okay, I shouldn't have pushed you into telling me."
Not once have they acknowledged the fact that they never had the right to push me. That if I chose to tell them, it would be because I wanted to, in my own time.
Time. All I needed. And no. Caring isn't an excuse. Being interested in my life isn't and excuse. The second the words "I'm not ready to talk about it yet." left my mouth, they should have been respected. And they weren't. And I do not tolerate that.
Pushing me, after me having said that, is a way to get what you want yourself. That had NOTHING to do with caring about what happens in my life. When you push a matter I've said no to, claiming your RIGHT to it, you're robbing me of my freedom to do or say what I want. THAT is where I get that point from, because that is how I see it. As an attempt to rob me of that freedom.
So no, I will not "talk this out" or "listen to an explanation". Until there's a true, honest acknowledgement of YOUR mistakes, YOUR responsibility and YOUR misjudgements, I will not listen. End of story.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
What a feeling..
Rain! Yay, finally! A little less sneezing now, if I'm lucky.
Anyway, it's been a weird couple of days. Been arguing with some people, hanging out with others, and been with the family today, planning our trip this weekend. I was supposed to ask a friend to join, but since I'm not getting along great with this particular friend, these days, I convinced the grandparents to invite Helene. It'll be great, I'm really looking forward to the waterslides, so I'm hoping the weather will behave.
Hmm. I've been considering some things about my cat, lately. I'm not home as much as I used to be, and I'm starting to feel really crappy about leaving him alone so much. When I'm finally here, I'm tired and easily get annoyed by him. It's not really fair to him. So I did the research today, about getting him replaced, cause he's only 3 years old, he's pretty much a big kitten.
When it got down to it, though.. I keep returning to the mental image of actually letting him out of my arms, turn my back to him and leave, and it just breaks my heart. I don't think I could do that. No, I know I can't. Annoying, furry and noisy as he is.. He's my baby. I've taken care of him since he was 10 weeks old, he could sleep curled up in the palm of my hand.
I can't, I just can't. I've decided to make more time for him in stead. He won't eat that much when he's lonely, and I don't like he's been losing a little weight. Not much, maybe a pound, but for a 11-12 pound cat, it's a fairly big amount. Maybe I'm just worrying too much, he's lost a little weight and gained it again, before, I just don't like it.
So, after.. I think 2-3 months careful consideration, I've come to the decision I'm just not ready to leave my furball behind. I can't imagine never being woken up by being poked by a paw on the nose, again.
I think I'm coming down with something. I've been feeling odd for awhile. (The carsickness I've been having lately doesn't help. I get nausea from 5 minutes in any road-driving vehicle. Which points me to believe the allergy pills didn't really have anything to do with it, other then intensify it. The nasal spray, while a hell of a lot more uncomfortable to use, works better and faster. And I don't like pills in the first place.)
Can't figure out what's causing the motion sickness, though. I haven't had it since I was a kid, and even then it was only when I had to go far, and now I suddenly suffer from it several days a week. I wish I knew what's causing it.
But back to my point about feeling sick. Today I actually had to go and lie down after very suddenly getting sick. I was just glad I hadn't eaten much to begin with. I had an intense pain going on in my stomach that made it pretty much impossible to get comfortable, and I ended up having to take some painkillers for it. (I hate doing this because I've grown somewhat resistant to these pills, during a fun little year of suffering from migraine, and in order for them to work, I have to double the recommended amount. Not exactly healthy.)
And I can't figure it out. I'm eating as I should, watching the acids and grains, getting my vitamins and all the other crap rules I have to follow to keep my stomach acid in check and my immune system and vitamins at a decent level.
I'm, despite what people tend to think, getting the excersize I need, I walk a lot more then most, and the whole staircase thing definitely does its work on my legmuscles.
I'm watching out for draft, cause the summer tends to be so hot I don't notice it, and end up getting cold anyway, and my body really does not like cold.
I don't feel overly burdened or concerned about anything, so I don't think it's that either.
And that's pretty much the things that usually affect me. So I'm out of guesses for now. I'll probably figure it out if I get more odd symptoms, I just hope this feeling of.. unwellness without really being sick, I guess.. Won't interfere too much with my plans for the next couple of weeks.
And I've babbled enough for now. I wanted to write this little philosophy I've gone over in my head lately, but I honestly think I'm too incoherent to produce a proper snippet about it, right now. So that's all you get, guys. Night.
Anyway, it's been a weird couple of days. Been arguing with some people, hanging out with others, and been with the family today, planning our trip this weekend. I was supposed to ask a friend to join, but since I'm not getting along great with this particular friend, these days, I convinced the grandparents to invite Helene. It'll be great, I'm really looking forward to the waterslides, so I'm hoping the weather will behave.
Hmm. I've been considering some things about my cat, lately. I'm not home as much as I used to be, and I'm starting to feel really crappy about leaving him alone so much. When I'm finally here, I'm tired and easily get annoyed by him. It's not really fair to him. So I did the research today, about getting him replaced, cause he's only 3 years old, he's pretty much a big kitten.
When it got down to it, though.. I keep returning to the mental image of actually letting him out of my arms, turn my back to him and leave, and it just breaks my heart. I don't think I could do that. No, I know I can't. Annoying, furry and noisy as he is.. He's my baby. I've taken care of him since he was 10 weeks old, he could sleep curled up in the palm of my hand.
I can't, I just can't. I've decided to make more time for him in stead. He won't eat that much when he's lonely, and I don't like he's been losing a little weight. Not much, maybe a pound, but for a 11-12 pound cat, it's a fairly big amount. Maybe I'm just worrying too much, he's lost a little weight and gained it again, before, I just don't like it.
So, after.. I think 2-3 months careful consideration, I've come to the decision I'm just not ready to leave my furball behind. I can't imagine never being woken up by being poked by a paw on the nose, again.
I think I'm coming down with something. I've been feeling odd for awhile. (The carsickness I've been having lately doesn't help. I get nausea from 5 minutes in any road-driving vehicle. Which points me to believe the allergy pills didn't really have anything to do with it, other then intensify it. The nasal spray, while a hell of a lot more uncomfortable to use, works better and faster. And I don't like pills in the first place.)
Can't figure out what's causing the motion sickness, though. I haven't had it since I was a kid, and even then it was only when I had to go far, and now I suddenly suffer from it several days a week. I wish I knew what's causing it.
But back to my point about feeling sick. Today I actually had to go and lie down after very suddenly getting sick. I was just glad I hadn't eaten much to begin with. I had an intense pain going on in my stomach that made it pretty much impossible to get comfortable, and I ended up having to take some painkillers for it. (I hate doing this because I've grown somewhat resistant to these pills, during a fun little year of suffering from migraine, and in order for them to work, I have to double the recommended amount. Not exactly healthy.)
And I can't figure it out. I'm eating as I should, watching the acids and grains, getting my vitamins and all the other crap rules I have to follow to keep my stomach acid in check and my immune system and vitamins at a decent level.
I'm, despite what people tend to think, getting the excersize I need, I walk a lot more then most, and the whole staircase thing definitely does its work on my legmuscles.
I'm watching out for draft, cause the summer tends to be so hot I don't notice it, and end up getting cold anyway, and my body really does not like cold.
I don't feel overly burdened or concerned about anything, so I don't think it's that either.
And that's pretty much the things that usually affect me. So I'm out of guesses for now. I'll probably figure it out if I get more odd symptoms, I just hope this feeling of.. unwellness without really being sick, I guess.. Won't interfere too much with my plans for the next couple of weeks.
And I've babbled enough for now. I wanted to write this little philosophy I've gone over in my head lately, but I honestly think I'm too incoherent to produce a proper snippet about it, right now. So that's all you get, guys. Night.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
*Sigh* What- fucking -ever.
I should be angry at the moment. I should be furious. Or sad, maybe. Confused, perhaps. My wish to not be a bitch holds me back slightly. But honestly, I've cared too many times to care this time. I'm just not going to get worked up about it.
I'm not going to be hateful. I might silently be hating right now, but I don't have the need to express it further then that. There's just no reason to do it, so why bother.
Indifference. That has to be the keyword. I am however, going off everything the least american. Bye bye Oreos.
*Shrug*
Phuket, Thailand.
I'm not going to be hateful. I might silently be hating right now, but I don't have the need to express it further then that. There's just no reason to do it, so why bother.
Indifference. That has to be the keyword. I am however, going off everything the least american. Bye bye Oreos.
*Shrug*
Phuket, Thailand.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Peace in mind..
Today has been a long, hot, uneventful day. I've been tired as all hell since the moment I got up. I only caught a few hours of sleep late this morning, but I guess that's the price of sleeping in a different bed then your own. Never been good at that. Then again, it might be the presence of another person, I'm not used to it, it only happens rarely that I crash somewhere, but I guess I'll grow into it soon enough.
Of course, the damn heat doesn't exactly help. Wearing anything is almost impossible, but you still have to cover yourself enough that you don't end up getting sick in stead. The nightly walks sure do help. Till you get back inside, of course.
Going to the harbour tomorrow with the hobbit. We don't know if we'll be swimming or anything, yet, but lounging in the sun with a gallon or two of sunblock is always fun. Besides, I think she's bored out of her mind :D
She was close to ecstatic last night, though. Did the boogie in the middle of the street, cause she got to meet a guy I actually like. Wait, what?! Angel, liking someone?! That happens?! Yes, apparently it does. Catching me on a good day and being persistant pays off, it seems. And I'm not even scared about it, I'm just thoroughly enjoying his company.
What the fuck was my problem even? XD Maybe it just takes a special guy to handle me, to make me behave. Misbehaving without consequences gets boring, so I'm glad to see there's people out there who can say no to me, without trying to control me. It feels good :)
Anyhow. Moms health is better then we thought, and hopefully this treatment can help the pains. She seemed relieved. I'm relieved too.
I think this will be a good summer :)
Of course, the damn heat doesn't exactly help. Wearing anything is almost impossible, but you still have to cover yourself enough that you don't end up getting sick in stead. The nightly walks sure do help. Till you get back inside, of course.
Going to the harbour tomorrow with the hobbit. We don't know if we'll be swimming or anything, yet, but lounging in the sun with a gallon or two of sunblock is always fun. Besides, I think she's bored out of her mind :D
She was close to ecstatic last night, though. Did the boogie in the middle of the street, cause she got to meet a guy I actually like. Wait, what?! Angel, liking someone?! That happens?! Yes, apparently it does. Catching me on a good day and being persistant pays off, it seems. And I'm not even scared about it, I'm just thoroughly enjoying his company.
What the fuck was my problem even? XD Maybe it just takes a special guy to handle me, to make me behave. Misbehaving without consequences gets boring, so I'm glad to see there's people out there who can say no to me, without trying to control me. It feels good :)
Anyhow. Moms health is better then we thought, and hopefully this treatment can help the pains. She seemed relieved. I'm relieved too.
I think this will be a good summer :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)