I could write a novel..

Peepers.. How is it possible? How can I never have realized that I had no idea how love felt. How it really feels. When I think back to being a teen and falling in love, I think of as much pain and tears as I do of infatuation. This desperate, needy feeling of heartbreak and sweet misery. Not that long ago, I longed for those feelings. And then later, a deeper seated love, though it feels a mockery to call it that now, calmer and rooted entirely different.

But this? I keep trying to put words to it, and there are none. None to truly capture the warmth, safety, and security that this is it. Thinking back, I remember doubt and questions and so much wondering, and even knowledge that it wouldn't be forever, and I can't help but wonder, now, what on earth I was doing back then. Because this? This is what I wanted. What I've always wanted for myself. This is why I haven't thrown myself into relationships haphazardly. This is why I haven't figured "Let's just see where it goes." Cause I've always been waiting for this.

I'm not a fate type person. But I feel like this has to be the plan, with us. He is.. Everything I've ever hoped for and far more than I deserve. He is kind and generous. He's loyal. His morals are impeccable. He's caring, curious and funny. Insanely funny. And so smart. But he's not arrogant, and he doesn't talk down to anyone. He's respectful and gives room, he doesn't need to be the center of attention. He's reserved, but in the way that he's private, not that he doesn't want to share. He let's me in. And he'd protect our privacy with his life, if he had to. Cause our comfort means the world to him.

He can be a little shy, and it only makes it that much more important to me to make sure we can talk about things. And we do. I never try to force anything, I don't push him at all. I lay down a safe path for him, and he can use it if he wants, or not. I think the knowledge that "not" is a perfectly good answer, is what has him take those steps, every time.

He's protective of me. And he's very mindful not to make that uncomfortable for me. There's a balance, and he takes my cues as to where the line is, without objection. Because my comfort and respecting my limits is more important to him, than some notion of pride or principle. In turn, I make sure to respect his feelings and not to challenge his self-proclaimed shortcomings. The fact that he feels he has flaws, doesn't mean I can't be considerate. I'm only glad to make him comfortable.

He's a real macho guy. I never really went for that before, but this guy has proved any stereotype I might have boxed him into, wrong. He's tall and strong and handsome, he's shaped like a freaking Action Man. But his smile makes my knees buckle. The way his eyes just warm up and those dimples come out.. I melt. He's the sweetest person. He just wants me safe and happy and healthy.

We create safe spaces for each other so easily. There's nothing we can't talk about. We both value honesty so highly, it's better to just get things out there, and process them, than to try and hide them. We trust each other. And I don't trust easily, Peepers, we all know that.

He puts me first. That in itself is.. I've never felt like that before. He is the least selfish being I've ever met. This guy would hands down take a bullet for me. Not that I'd ever let him, obviously, but there's no doubt in me that he'd do a John Smith if one came flying.

I know he's the One, Peepers. This goes above and beyond any belief I've ever had before. It's not just "He's going to be part of my life". It's "This is the man I'll marry. This is the father of my future kids. This is the man I'm going to grow old with.", and I feel calm and patient because of it. Because I know that's where my life is heading. Towards amazing adventures with this wonderful, crazy, beautiful, fantastic Finn.

It may seem insane to some, how sure I am. But they don't know how right this is. How we're two parts of one piece, that were just waiting to find eachother. I don't expect anyone who hasn't felt this way to understand. Before I felt it, I didn't believe it either. It's just.. This is how the world is now. My world, his world.. Our world. Incapable of even being, without eachother. It's not even one of those.. "I need him" things. I also need him. But it's deeper than that. I belong with him, and he with me. Every step, every choice since we first talked, back when he taught me how to dps better, of all things.. They've led us here. Through relationships, breakups, hardship and growing as human beings. There was always a reason we didn't lose contact. This reason.

I wonder if we'll have to invite the Vanguard for the wedding, ha!

I just know it. He'll be my husband, and I'll be his wife. And it'll be the best thing we ever decided. I love him. It's that simple. Every part of him, every detail, every flaw and undiscovered particle. I love him.