I went to watch Inside Out last night. Oh my god, Peepers! If you watch it, bring tissues! There's a shortfilm before the movie. And if it doesn't make you cry, I assume you're a robot, zombie or a psychopath. The movie itself also is amazing, and you should totally watch it.
Anyhow. I watched it as a reward for myself! I finished my first biology report in 6 hours and 20 minutes. It was estimated to take 12 hours. And that is a win I sorely needed. See, this whole school business has been difficult for me for the past couple of years. I know I'm more than smart enough to pass with good grades. But my ocd tends to peek it's head up and start going "Good grades? Nono darling. The best grade. Not good enough. Are you sure about that part? Did you check your grammar? You can't turn this in, no don't look at the deadline! It needs to be better. Needs to be perfect. Go ahead, obsess."
So being able to do both research, test and report in half the estimated time, turn it in way before it's due, and be okay with it potentially having flaws? It tells me how far I've come. And I'm so happy for it.
I've decided it's time to get the next tattoo this fall. M turned out to represent the perfect solution for the band around my arm. It'll be the river Thames, seen from above. And I'll have charms to represent my mom, my granddad, my sister, the Bat, R, G, K and myself. And CoW. Well, the concept of magic. A wand. And I can just add to it as the years pass.
R commented that it should be the representation of myself that connected the rest. That the river should be for me. So I told her that wasn't important. My skin carried them all. And honestly, if it wasn't for M, I probably wouldn't be in as good a place as I am, today. He has become an essential part of me. Even if we stopped speaking right now, he would be part of me forever. He's one of my puzzlepieces. One of those people you're not whole without. He was always missing, even before I knew him. So he gets to be the river. He's a lifechanger.
I'm paying my CoW ticket tomorrow, and I already booked my flights and seats on the bus. I need a hotel in Berlin for one night, which I'm also booking tomorrow. It's reality. Riley Novak, prefect of house Durentius. Czocha, I'm coming home! When M comes home from the stupid block of ice, we're considering doing a run as teachers together. But that would be next November. Plenty of time to plan. It feels weird that he won't be going this time.
But Riley.. She is a bundle of joy. Isolated and abused since she was little, illiterate when she finally attended school at 12, turned out to be quite the little wonderchild, and a super powerful witch. She's not abusive with those powers. She's actually somewhat a peacekeeper. She doesn't take sides. She just finds fighting a waste of time. It doesn't solve anything, it escalates conflicts, and she likes to work toward goals. She won't hold back from cursing someone who doesn't calm down when asked.
She has four cats. Mopsy, Dot, Vance and Zazzles. They move a lot. She doesn't feel at home anywhere. She feels lost and she doesn't even really care about that. It's an emotion, and emotions are useless. She taught herself not to feel, to mentally escape the abuse. She's a bit of a robot. Right now, they live in Sweden. She's originally from Czech, but she never goes there anymore. Not after she went away to school. Oh yeah, the reason she could finally go? Her father tried to rape her, and her magic chose to manifest at that moment. She killed him. The ministry excused it as an accident, uncontrolled magic happens to youngsters, and it was clearly self defense. But she meant to. She wished and wanted him to die. She wanted him to suffer and be in pain and die horribly. And he did. I haven't mentioned it anywhere yet, but if it comes up.. She split him in pieces. Knuckle by knuckle, finger by finger, toe by toe, wrists, ankles, knees, elbows, shoulders, thighs. Every part, severed. One by one. His genitals first, though. And her magic kept him alive to feel every single bit of it, till she finally took off his head.
See, from the moment Riley had her magic, she has been in control of it. She doesn't need a wand. She has been forced to use one, by the ministry. Not wielding a wand makes people nervous. And it is powerful magic to come from a witch who wills it to happen.
Her teachers at Balt Meddin supervised her. Walked on eggshells. They expected her to go crazy. And the longer she didn't, the more worried they became. They kept her under surveillance. There was always a staffmember nearby. But Riley was too busy studying, devouring knowledge, to care. She did notice. She just disregarded their presence as unimportant to her.
I'm considering letting a report from Balt Meddin surface. Like a.. Warning. To the new school they were sensing her off to. Just let it surface in the teacher's lounge at random. A report that says to watch out for her. To not let her into positions of power, as they're afraid what it will do to her. If it'll provoke something in her. Trigger her inner maniac.
This run will be weird and dark and amazing. I look forward to freaking people out.
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