Just an update. Also! Meet Riley!

I went to watch Inside Out last night. Oh my god, Peepers! If you watch it, bring tissues! There's a shortfilm before the movie. And if it doesn't make you cry, I assume you're a robot, zombie or a psychopath. The movie itself also is amazing, and you should totally watch it.

Anyhow. I watched it as a reward for myself! I finished my first biology report in 6 hours and 20 minutes. It was estimated to take 12 hours. And that is a win I sorely needed. See, this whole school business has been difficult for me for the past couple of years. I know I'm more than smart enough to pass with good grades. But my ocd tends to peek it's head up and start going "Good grades? Nono darling. The best grade. Not good enough. Are you sure about that part? Did you check your grammar? You can't turn this in, no don't look at the deadline! It needs to be better. Needs to be perfect. Go ahead, obsess."

So being able to do both research,  test and report in half the estimated time, turn it in way before it's due, and be okay with it potentially having flaws? It tells me how far I've come. And I'm so happy for it.

I've decided it's time to get the next tattoo this fall. M turned out to represent the perfect solution for the band around my arm. It'll be the river Thames, seen from above. And I'll have charms to represent my mom, my granddad, my sister, the Bat, R, G, K and myself. And CoW. Well, the concept of magic. A wand. And I can just add to it as the years pass.

R commented that it should be the representation of myself that connected the rest. That the river should be for me. So I told her that wasn't important. My skin carried them all. And honestly, if it wasn't for M, I probably wouldn't be in as good a place as I am, today. He has become an essential part of me. Even if we stopped speaking right now, he would be part of me forever. He's one of my puzzlepieces. One of those people you're not whole without. He was always missing, even before I knew him. So he gets to be the river. He's a lifechanger.

I'm paying my CoW ticket tomorrow, and I already booked my flights and seats on the bus. I need a hotel in Berlin for one night, which I'm also booking tomorrow. It's reality. Riley Novak, prefect of house Durentius. Czocha, I'm coming home! When M comes home from the stupid block of ice, we're considering doing a run as teachers together. But that would be next November. Plenty of time to plan. It feels weird that he won't be going this time.

But Riley.. She is a bundle of joy. Isolated and abused since she was little, illiterate when she finally attended school at 12, turned out to be quite the little wonderchild, and a super powerful witch. She's not abusive with those powers. She's actually somewhat a peacekeeper. She doesn't take sides. She just finds fighting a waste of time. It doesn't solve anything, it escalates conflicts, and she likes to work toward goals. She won't hold back from cursing someone who doesn't calm down when asked.

She has four cats. Mopsy, Dot, Vance and Zazzles. They move a lot. She doesn't feel at home anywhere. She feels lost and she doesn't even really care about that. It's an emotion, and emotions are useless. She taught herself not to feel, to mentally escape the abuse. She's a bit of a robot. Right now, they live in Sweden. She's originally from Czech, but she never goes there anymore. Not after she went away to school. Oh yeah, the reason she could finally go? Her father tried to rape her, and her magic chose to manifest at that moment. She killed him. The ministry excused it as an accident, uncontrolled magic happens to youngsters, and it was clearly self defense. But she meant to. She wished and wanted him to die. She wanted him to suffer and be in pain and die horribly. And he did. I haven't mentioned it anywhere yet, but if it comes up.. She split him in pieces. Knuckle by knuckle, finger by finger, toe by toe, wrists, ankles, knees, elbows, shoulders, thighs. Every part, severed. One by one. His genitals first, though. And her magic kept him alive to feel every single bit of it, till she finally took off his head.

See, from the moment Riley had her magic, she has been in control of it. She doesn't need a wand. She has been forced to use one, by the ministry. Not wielding a wand makes people nervous. And it is powerful magic to come from a witch who wills it to happen.

Her teachers at Balt Meddin supervised her. Walked on eggshells. They expected her to go crazy. And the longer she didn't, the more worried they became. They kept her under surveillance. There was always a staffmember nearby. But Riley was too busy studying, devouring knowledge, to care. She did notice. She just disregarded their presence as unimportant to her.

I'm considering letting a report from Balt Meddin surface. Like a.. Warning. To the new school they were sensing her off to. Just let it surface in the teacher's lounge at random. A report that says to watch out for her. To not let her into positions of power, as they're afraid what it will do to her. If it'll provoke something in her. Trigger her inner maniac.

This run will be weird and dark and amazing. I look forward to freaking people out.

The Potter Party I can't spell to

The big Potter Party was this weekend. It was so much fun. I really had a blast, talking to a bunch of people, old friends and new, dancing and having a few drinks, admiring the decorations, voting for the best costume, laughing into the night. I even had a tiny cuddle puddle! And one of the swedes, who was there, did magic tricks for me!

I had a really good talk with N about the relation we wanted if we were going to the same run. He had been so surprised when I had been up for it to be both emotional and physical abuse, and when he had talked about his character to one of the people responsible for that kind of thing, she had pointed out it wasn't so weird, when it was me XD And I was like.. "Ah. You talked to F, I assume. Yeah, she used to live next door..."

But then we talked about how he had actually already concluded that either, there was a rp-story of experience behind my casual willingness to play that, or there was an actual history of experience. He told me he was Dominant himself, and when he first approached me about the relation, it had been his spidey sense telling him I'd be a good choice. So we agreed his radar must be working well XD

And I'm not going to lie and say there wasn't a reaction when he did the hair-grabbing thing and went all intimidating on me. We've agreed we have to play it some day. We have the chemistry to do so, and the sort of friendship that can carry it. And I really want to play the victim some day. I haven't yet. I also want to play the bully. But I can't see him as a victim XD At all.

I don't know who I could play the bully, to. M and I are too equal to do a power exchange like that. And that's a good thing, we compliment each other better that way. We're a team! It's give and take with noone being the dominant, we take turns and it's very natural and comfortable. Again, pointing out, I fucking love that guy. I guess I'll find a victim when I get a bully-character, one day.

Anyhow! Class is starting soon. I already love psychology. It's fun.

Shiny new horizon!

Oh, I can barely wait for my SU to go through. I guess I haven't mentioned, but I'm starting school again. On Wednesday, actually. I decided to take on Psychology. Yup. Interepoop, huh? I'll be taking History and English, and this time I will fucking succeed. Also Biology. So that's a thing.

However! Financial stability! Woop woop! I have so many plans and projects. Both small things like some stuff to go on the walls, a different coffee table, a new rack for my clothes and some ekstra shelves for the closet. But also bigger things like a new bedframe (Okay, 80% of all my plans have to do with space for my shit, but whatevs!), a new gaming laptop (though I miiiight wait with that till after HF is over) and maybe a ps4 (that doesn't have to wait too long, I use it mostly for watching movies and series, not for gaming).

But it'll be the old fashioned way. My way. The way I feel good about. Saving up and buying it cash. No monthly payments and shit.

Oh god, healthy food! And being able to afford the upkeep of the muppet on my head! Being able to travel across the country when I feel like it! Spending time at a coffee shop without feeling bad about it! Oh sweet, sweet freedom. Being able to buy books or go to the movies. Or the theater! I already did my budget. It's looking good! Which makes me happy to the core.

The remaining uncertainty or stress I've been feeling? Clearing up with the speed of lightning. I have my aweaome people, my supportive family (however annoying they can be), my school will be a lot less stressful, all my favorite fictive worlds are flowering, and I feel at fucking ease with myself. I even beat back a fever in one night, the other day! And that thing I don't want to jinx is going well, too, I can feel the excess energy starting to be a thing.

Thinking of all the home-upgrades I kinda want, btw, made me realise I kinda hate my tv-setup. That should go on the list, too. IKEA has felt too safe for too long. I know it misses me. I'll be home soon, darling. Don't you worry.

Expiration dates on compliments

For some reason, one of my FB friends has found the very first pic of me on the site, and liked it. The picture is closing in on being 8 years old.

1. Damn I'm old.

2. What kind of creepy ass stalker type thing is that to do, it's not even an old profile picture or anything?!

3. Thank you for the compliment on my former self. I look super different nowadays. So your compliment kind of expired.

And now others are liking and commenting on it, cause his like and comment brought it up in my feed. So a bunch of people are saying "You looked great!".

... Thank you. Interesting how next to none of you pressed like on the new profile picture I posted yesterday.

I don't really care that they didn't, I care that people find it more relevant to celebrate my former self, rather than my current. All things considered, my current self is so much more celebratable.

It's a pet peeve. But dammit. It's not like I volunteered the thing for Throwback Thursday.

Rant over.

In good news, I'm wrapped in a blanket on my balcony, and I heard from M, and in a few weeks all will be well. I'm not hogging the humble amount of data he got on his new phone number, just to talk about nothing. Except we both needed an insanity fix the other night, and had a glorious argument as teachers of a magical private school we're making up. We both missed that. We need to do that more.

However! Trip went well, there is indeed potatoes, they hide the alcohol which is crazy expensive, and there's no sight of polar bears just yet. All is well, and he misses me already. I miss him too. I'm craving playing Esben and Caroline more with him, so I hope it'll be more 1 week than 2 till the interwebs comes through. Our adorable little crazies.

Bye Peepers. I want to watch more Criminal Minds out here, before it gets too cold. And I should probs eat something. Chili with rice, I think. Omnomnom.

Whining about ice!

*Waaaaaaaaiiiiiiilllllll!*

M went to Greenland this morning. I'm glad I was up to say goodbye and tell him I'll miss him, I'd have been so mad at myself for missing that. A whole year. It's not like we exactly saw eachother constantly, but it was comforting to know he was only a busride away.

No one knows when he'll have internet. It could be a few days or it could be weeks. I think that's the worst part. I can't just write him and expect an answer within a reasonable timeline. I seriously already miss him. He's been on that damn ice cube long enough, now give him back!

... Okay, maybe that's a little impatient. A lot. I just hate not knowing when I'll have my bestie back. I hope the job will be fun and challenging and he'll learn a lot. I hope he'll have time and opportunity to see amazing things and have cool experiences. I hope he'll make good friends and that he won't be bored senseless. Or die from the lack of potatoes. I honestly don't know if there's potatoes on Greenland. And most of all, I hope he's only gone that one year. I'd like hime to come home soon.

It's odd he's not coming to Czocha in November. I'm gonna miss having him around. I'll still have amazeballs people with me, but he was such a huge part of both the other games. He'll be with me in spirit, though. He helped me make Riley come to life, I made sure to include him and ask him for advice on everything, and I know he's grateful to be part of it. He made some amazing fashion decisions for me :D I haven't asked about his opinion on the ball outfit yet, but once he's back on the grid, that's next.

Gah. Stupid ice cube.