Lonesome Creativity

Today is one of those days. I finally got like.. 7 hours of sleep, last night. And that's awesome. My brain still feels a little foggy. I could not for the life of me concentrate in class today. I did manage to say a few things, which was more that I thought I'd be able to, today.

Afterwards, I went to get some tea, recommended to me. I ended up getting 4 different boxes. I'm totally in the tea business, these days. Well, and I started drinking coffee. I never thought I'd be drinking that crap. But when tired enough.... Yeah. I still have to douse it with sugar and milk. Lots of milk.

It may be because I just spent a week, sharing an apartment with someone, but I feel really lonely at home, right now. I got home at 13.30-ish, and took a nap. Then I watched a few episodes of Matador, an old danish series I happen to love. Then I watched the season finale of True Blood. Which was awesome, I might add. Then I felt that creative tug. So I did the LP/clock-piece I've been working on, so now it just needs a hanging device, but I need to go out and find one, first. Then I cracked open my new painting kit. I painted a peacock.

It turned out much prettier than I expected, but I did spend about 5 hours on it, so it had to look somewhat decent. I'm not much of a painter, really, but it's fun, and now that I don't play games anymore (At least not right now, I may take my gaming up again, at some point), I'm trying to focus my energy on creative projects. I set my dining room table up with my sewing machine, and got all my half-finished stuff piled up, so I'm all ready to start up.

I also did some cleaning up, before the painting. I like that my place is looking pretty neat, most the time, now.

But I miss sharing my day. I think the vacation might have sparked a new round of sadness, to be honest. I just really miss talking to him. Sharing my day and hearing about his. I wonder what he'd think of the clock and the painting. Cause my brain is still kinda wired that way. So I remind myself he'd probably critisize or not care, anyway. I remind myself of all the lying. Of how often I felt unloved. Of how he'd turn all his own shortcomings and insecurities so they'd look like they were mine.

But it doesn't really make me feel better, it only makes me want to cry and scream at him. I still feel like hitting him. I hope he'll fall and break his stupid neck on that idiotic motorbike I'm told he's getting. And that's not very nice of me to think, so I catch and chastise myself for sinking so low. He doesn't deserve my hatred. I'm working towards not giving a fuck. Not caring. I'm there most of the time. Just not right now. Right now I wish he'd show up at my door so I could push him down the staircase.

Tomorrow I'll dive back into the world of discussing politics with a classroom of people disappointed in the sitting government. Not that I'm defending their idiocy, but they kinda critisize without really understanding the positions. And that's just faulty. I'm looking forward to English on wednesday. Especially after a week of practising.

Tomorrow after school, I want to paint a tree. Granddad wanted one. I also got a lot of deco-paper, so I'm gonna get that wooden box fixed up for mom, like I promised. Paint it and cut out decopaper for the back of the pockets. I want to do the two pillowcases I'm sewing, this week, too.

I got season 2 of The Tudors, and season 4 of Everwood, for after Matador. So I'm all set for entertainment for a while.

Oh! I looked into the swedish class. I can't do it this year, cause it clashes with my English class, but it runs from early September till late November, and it's 1780 dkk (about 300$). There's an advanced class you can take after that one, but it's also a September-November thing, so I'd had to wait a year between them, and I don't think I need to advance it that much. It's also more expensive than the first course. But if I can find the money next year, and it doesn't clash with my other classes (they're the priority, since the swedish thing is only out of interest, and doesn't do a thing for my grades; it's not even the same line of schools), I think I'll sign up.

I'm getting tired. I'm gonna watch more Matador, and then sleep. School isn't till noon tomorrow, so I can sleep in. Or get up early and look at the texts I missed last week. And call the doctor. Gotta do that tomorrow before school, so I can get on with the heart-thing.