Freedom

Ah, so life goes on. The last couple of weeks have been a hurricane of happenings, really, but I do love a nice, strong wind. Makes me feel alive and all that clichéd crap.

People have been a major part of a lot of the changes that has taken place around me, lately. Whether it's been changes in their lifes or their impact on mine, interaction have been the headline of my life. At least for the last couple of weeks.

But what has happened, you may wonder. Or maybe you really don't care. But this is my blog, so I decide what I put in it. ^.^

There's been fighting, yelling, anger, laughter, tears, excitement, love and friendship going in all directions, often whirling about too fast for perception. I know I've been confused more then once.

Friendships have been challenged, a particular friend has returned, to my joy, new people have come around that I wish will stay, and people who hasn't been around much, have come back into closer proximity.

I wouldn't say everything is great, there's still someone I have a problem with, but I've come to a conclusion about it, to not let it bother me, because it's in this person's nature to behave the way they do. Just as it's in mine to object to it.

Freedom has been a very discussed subject since.. well, January, actually. Maybe I have a greater sense of freedom and a bigger perspective of my right to it, then others seem to think. But think about it for a minute. I've been raised under the phrase "freedom with responsibility". Meaning, as long as I was responsible enough to say where I went, with who, how long, I could pretty much do as I pleased. I never had a curfew, I didn't have specific times to do homework, I didn't have a bedtime, hell, dinner could be anywhere between 5 and 10!

When I was 13, I was left with the apartment and no parents around. No supervision. I could've hosted orgies if I wanted to, that was entirely up to me. I never really did anything like that, though. Cause it was freedom with responsibility. And I'm very focused on the responsibility part.

Question is, what responsibility does my freedom come with? When I was a kid, it was clear. Report to mom. She didn't need to know what I talked to my friends about, she just wanted the basics, where I was, in case something happened, who I was with, so she knew what to expect could happen, when I'd be home, so she knew when to be worried if I didn't show up. Very logical, need-to-know things.

And I think that's my guidelines today as well. Need-to-know. I'm a very private person, I don't think every detail of my life concerns everyone. Bits of information goes to certain people, other bits to other people. There's one person I can tell everything, and even he knows there's details not to be talked about, things that, if asked, I would tell. But it's not always necessary to actually ask, it leaves something for me to have for myself. And that's important to me, to have something to myself. Something that's only mine. I guess I'm actually possessive about my privatelife. If I feel like sharing something, I will on my own. But if I don't feel like it, pushing me will only anger me.

My freedom to share only as much as I'm willing to. As much as is necessary. I'm not obligated to share anything, in the first place, that's not a responsibility that comes with. My honesty is not a responsibility to others, it's a privilege. And you have to earn it.