/MY/ song.

This is one of those moments where I have to remind myself to be a better person. I need M to tell me it's okay that I'm hurt and annoyed, and to make it into something funny that helps me move past it. I need A to ask me the questions about why I'm feeling those things, and how I intend to grow from it. And I need myself to just.. Let it go.

I wrote a song, a while back. I started writing a song when we got home from Baltha, two summers ago. I finished it about a year ago, in time to present it to the king of our country on his birthday. And he sobbed. Everyone told me how beautiful and amazing it was, and I was proud to have contributed with something that moved people to tears. I was, at that time, at home, with family, in a safe place.

And then shit hit the fan, and after a lot of horrible fighting and emotional debate, I left the group. Cause I couldn't hurt from it anymore. It had meant too much, and all these people turning their back on me, despite terms I had stated when I joined, terms I had been assured wasn't a problem and never would be, had me heartbroken. I've lost friends over this. And I finally managed to let go, with a little help from new people in my life.

And these past days, I've heard a lot about the preparations for the sequal. And I've tried to be polite, but upheld my determination that I don't want to be involved and I don't want to listen to a lot of talk about it, cause I don't want to feel regret or feel excluded. It hasn't been respected 100%, but enough that I'm only slightly agitated.

And tonight, I went to bed, and I wanted to listen to one of the Cow songs on SoundCloud. And there I find a new version of my song. A changed version. A new title, even. And it pissed me off I wasn't even mentioned in the info section. It hurt me I hadn't even been asked if I was okay with them changing it. I know few can sing it. I designed it that way. I kept the challenging part of the melody, cause it emphasizes the dark part of the tale and adds drama. It was never meant to be sung around the fireplace, in joy, by 20 people. It was meant to be sung by two or three, for a crowd. With deep emotion and the severity of the story clear.

It was a demonstration of how to make it easier to sing. I asked. And I asked to either have my name written in the info, with a comment on how it's not the original melody, or to have it removed. It was removed immediately.

I still feel ownership. I have ownership. I worked my ass off finishing that song. I had help from a friend, and she's mentioned in my own version, and on the Fb group. But this just feels like crap. I'll never get to sing my song for the balthesians, on Setranum. I got to sing it at the birthday. On a rainy night, outside, where half the people probably couldn't hear the lyrics. The lyrics I she'd tears and heartbreak oover getting perfect.

What I hate the most, is that they changed the name. It was Avia cause it was written, ingame, while we still used the old name. Not Aviath. And it's called The Wisdom of Avia, not.. Exodus to Aviath. They can't just.. Ruin my freaking masterpiece.

Ugh. Fuck it. I I'll go to sleep. Annoyed and angry and hurt. Pissed off, actually.

They didn't even fucking mention it to me.