More sentimental crap..

This really is a weird time for me. Normally, around this time of year, I would be all about presents and post offices, and worrying about things getting there in time, and this year.. I'm finding it very hard to respect his wish to be left alone. It's just so weird! It's all fucked up and wrong. I should be there.

Really, what difference would it even make. We would both just complain about another event where I can't actually be there in person. Wanting to only gets you so far. He's probably better off without me, think of all the fighting he gets to go without.. Stupid thing is.. I miss him so much I even miss the fighting.

And at the same time I feel guilty, cause he's been right. I've had the best summer of my life. And I've been having a great time, doing all those things he hated me doing. I've loved every second of it, and I've loved not being judged for it. And isn't that like loving him not being there?

But I don't. I really don't love that part. There's still been times where all I've wanted to do, was tell him how happy something made me, or tell him about how much fun something has been, how amazing these people I've met are, and how I finally feel alive.

It's just not the same without him. I miss hearing about his work and listen to his wacky rants. I miss joking around with him. I could probably make a list of things I miss, but I know logically that it's better this way. For both of us. I guess this whole birthday thing is making me (more) sentimental.

I hope he's happy. He deserves to be.