Treading water

Wow, two blogs within the same week, huh, Peepers?! What happened!

Well. The prime minister just announced that they're extending the lockdown in general, but is partially opening some things up. Mostly childcare and that sort of thing, I'm still home. It was supposed to be until the 14th, then my school decided to extend to the 20th, and now it looks like it'll be May 10th.

All festivals and summer events are cancelled, big crowds are forbidden until the end of August. All the summer LARPs, amusement parks, borders are still closed so also vacation destinations.. everything is closed.

Tbh I'm not that upset, I didn't have major plans,  so for me it only cancels an amusement park trip, which can be done in the fall if possible, or next year. It isn't the end of the world. But a lot of people are super upset, which is understandable, of course. And while I'm not too upset about the whole impact all this is having on my daily life, the negativity is starting to get to me. Not mine, other people's. It's not like I don't understand or sympathize, don't get me wrong. But the constant focus on how horrible it is and how hard it is, and how difficult it is... I can't. It's that tunnel vision behavior that I generally cannot deal with. And it's coming at me from all over, I feel, the whole internet is plastered with it, facebook is bombarding me, friends unable to distract themselves. It gets so heavy.

Yes, it's a difficult situation. But as long as you have options to not freaking dwell on it, utilize them! Seriously, I'm snapping at people left and right, cause I'm so frustrated that I can't fix shit, and it's so triggering. This whole manic attempt at establishing order in the middle of chaos.. I hate when I behave like that. But it's fucking knee-jerk, and I have to just step away from involvement if I want to avoid it. And then I'm the cold bitch who doesn't care, so it's a lose/lose pickle.

I think if I had a mantra for this time, it would be "Stay busy, stay sane". I have a ton of home improvement projects to do, that are demanding my attention, focus and time, so I don't sit around and spiral, worrying about the future and the what ifs. Because that shit is toxic, Peepers. I make sure to find silver linings, I do things that make me happy, and I make damn sure to get some sunshine on my pale scandinavian skin, to soak up all them vitamin happy's. Mostly I do that in the window, but it counts! I am, however, about to reach a breaking point when it comes to being submerged in other people's pools, so to speak, and am considering doing a day or two of radio silence to reboot my mental capacity. Recharge the good old batteries.

It's the age old thing about putting the mask on yourself before you help others.