Yay, my fever broke! I still feel a bit shaky and weak, and I cough and my nose is a bitch, but I feel loads better. I'm such a freaking baby when I have a fever, I hate it. But I ate a ton of vitamins, drank tea, mead (cause rum belong in drinks!), mucolysin (coughing stuff that helps your lungs get rid of the goo), and painkillers that also dull fevers, and it helped! I also used a ton of vaseline on my nose, to spare my skin.
Not much to do when you're sick, and the inability to breathe right has kept me from the gym, so I'm behind on my plan. That really bothers me, but I know I have to watch it with pushing my body, or I'll just hurt myself again. Again again. And if I'm not focused, which I'm not when I'm sick, I'm sure to sprain something from lack of attention. But hey, my weight is coming down, slow and steady, and I feel stronger already, so it's still going in the right direction.
Been having some fun ingame talks, and some interesting offgame ones. Particularly one with NY guy. He really needs a different name, can't keep calling him that, it seems unfitting to reduce him to that. He is like.. an eyeopener on so many levels. He doesn't know, but he's making me rethink a lot of things. My vision of things, how I've experienced them. We're talking a lot about our differences in sexual behaviour. He is very much into tantra, and the more he talks, and the more I read about it, the more I become curious and fascinated. It's making me realize how emotionally shut off I and my partners have been, in the past. Only there physically, caught up in need and desire, rather than love and passion. And I honestly am starting to see how much this view of sex and love as two seperate things was a huge part of my relationship, despite me fighting against the concept. And it left an imprint on me, didn't it?
He asked me why I had never really asked to do the other thing. Make love. And it dawned on me.. It never even occurred to me as a possibility. It did end up happening from time to time, but when it did, it was still.. I don't know. Disconnected? It would be clear to me it was done for my sake, and that I was the only one really craving it. And even then, I could never do that fully, there were limitations cause I had to take dislikes into consideration. So those were the times I was always in my head. I have never been able to put this into words, cause I haven't had that comparison. But I never asked, cause it was never something I considered as part of the menu. And how would I know to order it, then?
Was love ever present when we were naked? Was it ever an act of worshipping each other, giving unconditioned? Being able to accept a gift like that. Was it ever selfless? I can't tell.
He's very caring, very accepting and inquisitive, and I find it inspiring. He's hungry for exploration, and it's rubbing off on me. Somehow, I completely trust him. He's so open and honest. He asked me if I would participate in a tantric thing with him and someone else, and I've said yes. I don't mind being his guinea pig. And if something happens after that... Well. I've done it twice before, as the only one, so for once I'll be the experienced one at something. I really don't mind doing this for him, he deserve good things. And why the heck not? It's an experience.
He's the first person to compliment me on knowing what I want and going for it, in this area. He likes my curiosity, and he even trusted me with a request for stepping into new territory with him. I think this is the true base for my attraction. He makes it natural and safe to explore. He puts me at ease, and I feel confident and generous with him. Even just talking about possibilities. No apprehension, no judgement, no fear of rejection or emotional distancing. I'm there with him, and he's there with me, in the now, no tests, no crap. I don't care where it's going or if it isn't going anywhere, I'm just enjoying him and enjoying me.
We put the castle and each other on our bucket lists. I'm not sure when or where or how we will find the time, but we will. Personally I'm voting for the tower, but we'll see. Popular place, after all.
I could like him. And I'm going to allow myself to love every second with him. I deserve to do that, even if it's not an epic love story. It's adventure, it's bliss and it's beautiful. And everyone should get to have and love that. Hmm. Bliss. That will be his name, here.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Drama at the castle, and gaining a brother
I fell to the sniffles. Man down! Fever, sneezing, runny nose.. The works. So now I'm sofa-bound. Doctor Who is running on the telly, Tennant-episodes, but I'm not payimg too much attention. Mostly cause I've been attempting to fix moms sewing machine, which is beyond my skills, and been talking ingame most of the day. Last night was awesome, Skylar almost got into some moral trouble.
In order to get Octavius/Grey Grumps off her back (he keeps floating through her at night, waking her up, cause she was apparently rude about his ghostness), she and Rendor decided to bunk up, cause Grumps hates Ren, and maybe the prospect of the two in one room, might make him think they were secretly going at it, and freak him out enough to scare him off. Yup, now sharing rooms with her ex. If that didn't already spell trouble... Anyway! Part of the plan involved a bit of magic, and slightly tricky magic, even, so they decided to find a place to practise undisturbed. The crawlspace off the museum would be perfect, and so they snuck down there, late at night. He was of course the perfect gentleman, helping her in first, and looking out for anyone noticing them. As he is the better sneaker, he cast the Muffliato on the area, and we decided against light, as to make ourselves less obvious. In pitch-blackness, he put his hand on her leg to take aim, and of course, Skylar stiffened up at the contact, especially when the hand traveled up her thigh. And he cast the spell. A brief feeling of trust flashed through her, but she shook it off and told him he had to mean it. Another Truperio hit her, and this time it worked. She leaned into his hand, and when he claimed to be the Queen of England, and told her she was up past curfew, she apologized to "her majesty". He ended the spell and practically fell over, laughing. She started laughing, too, though really trying to fight it.
Her turn. She took his hand to be able to feel him relax when the spell would work, and readied herself. It worked on her first try, of course, but since he willingly offered information, without her prompting him, he asked her to recast it to make sure. He took her hand by his own accord, as she cast the secondtime. This time she told him she was his pet owl, and she was nagging him for attention. He stroked his free hand through her hair, and when she told him she was hooting, he shushed and soothed her. She ended the spell with a smile at the care she knew she'd see him display for the bird, and he froze, his hand still tangled in her hair.
She expected him to pull away, then. But he didn't. He leaned towards her, and her breath hitched, her frame freezing. Even in the complete darkness, she could feel him leaning in, and she managed to say his name, a whispered question. And he jerked back, accidentally tugging her hair from the force. Both of their breaths were shaky, hands fumbling, legs uncoordinated, as they scrambled out of the crawlspace, and went to make use of that spell, going in each direction to find their target.
It didn't escape Skylar's notice that Ren's movements were more clumsy and that he was trying to hide the fact that he was heaving for breath. She revelled in having an effect on him. At the sametime, she thought of Fianna and Francesca, feeling guilty for what almost happened. Feeling guilty for enjoying the close proximity with him. Feeling guilty for wanting him. She told herself it was the dark. The dark, the contact, the lingering emotions of complete and utter trust. That was all. And nothing happened.
Tonight, they had an argument about the pureblood party. Fianna won't go, as she feels unwelcome, and she is, as a halfblood. And he wanted Skylar to take her to the other party, the one Jesse hosts to make sure all muggleborns and halfbloods doesn't feel left out. Skylar wasn't thrilled. For many reasons. First of all, cause she's opposed to the whole exclusion of "lower borns", and hates that Ren is going. He did point out he had to, cause it is hosted by his distant family, and it has consequences if he isn't there. Second of all, Sky doesn't like that he's taking Francesca, Skylars girlfriend, so they can talk. She doesn't know what he'll tell Cesca, and that makes her nervous. Third, despite having made up with Fianna, she isn't thrilled about the prospect of having to babysit her ex's new girlfriend. Especially with the whole still-being-in-love-with-him thing.
And she's picking fights with him a lot, because it frustrates her. Really frustrates her. Cesca isn't too happy, either. She and Sky had a major fight over the whole.. muggle issue. And then a minor one over her and Ren switching rooms, to live together. Even when she was told it was just a scam to make Octavius stay away. And with Cesca going to the Purebloods only event, Skylar isn't exactly ecstatic.
A lot of arguments have been rising about different equality issues lately, and Skylar has, of course, been championing her cause. And she got a most unexpected but highly treasured letter from a professor, supporting her in her defense of certain methods. He does not entirely agree with her, but he highly respects her vision, means and explorative mind. And he shared some rather personal details with her, trusting her to keep them secret, which she will, of course. And I think, in this time of arguments and disagreement, she will turn to another professor, seeking his council and friendship on the matters at hand.
I think that was it for wizarding school, for now. Now, to something else.
I talked to M about the whole potential rumour-outbreak. I wanted to make sure he was prepared, in case anything showed up in his end, so he could talk to the girlfriend up front, and make sure she knows he and I are no more than friends. And we got to talking, he asked a few questions, I answered, and he ended up wanting to go see, himself. I didn't hold him back, I felt it was his right. And his reaction startled us both. He felt protective of me. And he couldn'tfigure out if it was in the boyfriend-jalousy category, or the overprotective older brother category. We agreed he could get an honorary spot as older-brother-pretending-to-be-boyfriend, as long as we never read into how screwed up that sounded, ans had a laugh over that.
But he felt protective, and he also felt the need to react to it. Partly for him, partly to defend me. He asked if that would be crossing a line, and I simply told him the truth. I'm not angry, I don'thave a need to say anything to the ex, I only felt anything on his behalf, so I guess the protectiveness goes both way. And that if he felt the need to react, I wouldn't agree or get in his way, that was entirely up to him.
I don't know what he said, or what the response was. I asked not to. But M did share a songtext with me, which he told me he had quoted. And it just.. I don't know, it struck a nerve.
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard, but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over
It seems very fitting, compared to how I feel the.. I want to be friends and still I hurt you-thing has played out. Basically, it fits with how he's been acting since the first time he wanted to tell me about her and I said no. And M doesn't know all that, so it just struck me again how he sees me. He sees me.
He told me he had never gotten to defend his sister, cause she is older than him, and maybe that was why he felt so defensive over me. I told him that sometimes, I miss having my brother protect me. He is now my Metabrother, and I am his Metasister.
I love him, in a totally platonic way.
In order to get Octavius/Grey Grumps off her back (he keeps floating through her at night, waking her up, cause she was apparently rude about his ghostness), she and Rendor decided to bunk up, cause Grumps hates Ren, and maybe the prospect of the two in one room, might make him think they were secretly going at it, and freak him out enough to scare him off. Yup, now sharing rooms with her ex. If that didn't already spell trouble... Anyway! Part of the plan involved a bit of magic, and slightly tricky magic, even, so they decided to find a place to practise undisturbed. The crawlspace off the museum would be perfect, and so they snuck down there, late at night. He was of course the perfect gentleman, helping her in first, and looking out for anyone noticing them. As he is the better sneaker, he cast the Muffliato on the area, and we decided against light, as to make ourselves less obvious. In pitch-blackness, he put his hand on her leg to take aim, and of course, Skylar stiffened up at the contact, especially when the hand traveled up her thigh. And he cast the spell. A brief feeling of trust flashed through her, but she shook it off and told him he had to mean it. Another Truperio hit her, and this time it worked. She leaned into his hand, and when he claimed to be the Queen of England, and told her she was up past curfew, she apologized to "her majesty". He ended the spell and practically fell over, laughing. She started laughing, too, though really trying to fight it.
Her turn. She took his hand to be able to feel him relax when the spell would work, and readied herself. It worked on her first try, of course, but since he willingly offered information, without her prompting him, he asked her to recast it to make sure. He took her hand by his own accord, as she cast the secondtime. This time she told him she was his pet owl, and she was nagging him for attention. He stroked his free hand through her hair, and when she told him she was hooting, he shushed and soothed her. She ended the spell with a smile at the care she knew she'd see him display for the bird, and he froze, his hand still tangled in her hair.
She expected him to pull away, then. But he didn't. He leaned towards her, and her breath hitched, her frame freezing. Even in the complete darkness, she could feel him leaning in, and she managed to say his name, a whispered question. And he jerked back, accidentally tugging her hair from the force. Both of their breaths were shaky, hands fumbling, legs uncoordinated, as they scrambled out of the crawlspace, and went to make use of that spell, going in each direction to find their target.
It didn't escape Skylar's notice that Ren's movements were more clumsy and that he was trying to hide the fact that he was heaving for breath. She revelled in having an effect on him. At the sametime, she thought of Fianna and Francesca, feeling guilty for what almost happened. Feeling guilty for enjoying the close proximity with him. Feeling guilty for wanting him. She told herself it was the dark. The dark, the contact, the lingering emotions of complete and utter trust. That was all. And nothing happened.
Tonight, they had an argument about the pureblood party. Fianna won't go, as she feels unwelcome, and she is, as a halfblood. And he wanted Skylar to take her to the other party, the one Jesse hosts to make sure all muggleborns and halfbloods doesn't feel left out. Skylar wasn't thrilled. For many reasons. First of all, cause she's opposed to the whole exclusion of "lower borns", and hates that Ren is going. He did point out he had to, cause it is hosted by his distant family, and it has consequences if he isn't there. Second of all, Sky doesn't like that he's taking Francesca, Skylars girlfriend, so they can talk. She doesn't know what he'll tell Cesca, and that makes her nervous. Third, despite having made up with Fianna, she isn't thrilled about the prospect of having to babysit her ex's new girlfriend. Especially with the whole still-being-in-love-with-him thing.
And she's picking fights with him a lot, because it frustrates her. Really frustrates her. Cesca isn't too happy, either. She and Sky had a major fight over the whole.. muggle issue. And then a minor one over her and Ren switching rooms, to live together. Even when she was told it was just a scam to make Octavius stay away. And with Cesca going to the Purebloods only event, Skylar isn't exactly ecstatic.
A lot of arguments have been rising about different equality issues lately, and Skylar has, of course, been championing her cause. And she got a most unexpected but highly treasured letter from a professor, supporting her in her defense of certain methods. He does not entirely agree with her, but he highly respects her vision, means and explorative mind. And he shared some rather personal details with her, trusting her to keep them secret, which she will, of course. And I think, in this time of arguments and disagreement, she will turn to another professor, seeking his council and friendship on the matters at hand.
I think that was it for wizarding school, for now. Now, to something else.
I talked to M about the whole potential rumour-outbreak. I wanted to make sure he was prepared, in case anything showed up in his end, so he could talk to the girlfriend up front, and make sure she knows he and I are no more than friends. And we got to talking, he asked a few questions, I answered, and he ended up wanting to go see, himself. I didn't hold him back, I felt it was his right. And his reaction startled us both. He felt protective of me. And he couldn'tfigure out if it was in the boyfriend-jalousy category, or the overprotective older brother category. We agreed he could get an honorary spot as older-brother-pretending-to-be-boyfriend, as long as we never read into how screwed up that sounded, ans had a laugh over that.
But he felt protective, and he also felt the need to react to it. Partly for him, partly to defend me. He asked if that would be crossing a line, and I simply told him the truth. I'm not angry, I don'thave a need to say anything to the ex, I only felt anything on his behalf, so I guess the protectiveness goes both way. And that if he felt the need to react, I wouldn't agree or get in his way, that was entirely up to him.
I don't know what he said, or what the response was. I asked not to. But M did share a songtext with me, which he told me he had quoted. And it just.. I don't know, it struck a nerve.
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard, but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over
It seems very fitting, compared to how I feel the.. I want to be friends and still I hurt you-thing has played out. Basically, it fits with how he's been acting since the first time he wanted to tell me about her and I said no. And M doesn't know all that, so it just struck me again how he sees me. He sees me.
He told me he had never gotten to defend his sister, cause she is older than him, and maybe that was why he felt so defensive over me. I told him that sometimes, I miss having my brother protect me. He is now my Metabrother, and I am his Metasister.
I love him, in a totally platonic way.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Dreamy
Getting up and heading for the gym in.. 6-ish hours. Cannot sleep. or rather, I was asleep. For like two hours. Then I had a dream that woke me up all hot and bothered, and now I can't fall back asleep. I want him here, right now. Or me there. I dreamt of him, and I feel completely feverish from it. My mind might be all over the place, but my body remembers. It's only been a bit more than a week, but I'm dying to go, to see him. To feel him. I might be writing in a feverhaze. Maybe I'm not fully awake. I don't care.
My drive has been awakened, and it's a beast to behold. Was it him or what he did? I can't figure it out. I want a repeat performance, that I can figure out. And I want to realize the dream I just had. Blargh!!! Why is he so far away when I want him here?! Unhappy camper.
Anyways. I have an issue. It has happened five times now, that people, mostly friends, have come to me with information that I don't want. I don't need to know, so stop it. However, this last one made me drop my jaw.
I was told, last night, that it seems I have an unhappy reader. So let me use this fine opportunity to use a quote I've been looking for an occasion to use:
Behold the field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and thou shall see it is barren.
In other words: Stop reading it if it bothers you. And check your facts before you end up ruining a poor guys relationship with assumptions. That is all.
So my solution to this, is simple, and some of my readers may have figured this out by the change in graphics: Inside an Angels Mind is an old concept. I am not that anymore, and I feel it is time for a change in domain. So sometime next week, my lovely collection of scribbles will move on. I am changing the url, the blogname, the whole shebang. Angel will perish and Ember will rise. I will be glad to provide my returning readers with the new url, upon request, though. Throw me a comment or a mail or a smoke signal, I'll get back to you.
Tired. Over and out.
My drive has been awakened, and it's a beast to behold. Was it him or what he did? I can't figure it out. I want a repeat performance, that I can figure out. And I want to realize the dream I just had. Blargh!!! Why is he so far away when I want him here?! Unhappy camper.
Anyways. I have an issue. It has happened five times now, that people, mostly friends, have come to me with information that I don't want. I don't need to know, so stop it. However, this last one made me drop my jaw.
I was told, last night, that it seems I have an unhappy reader. So let me use this fine opportunity to use a quote I've been looking for an occasion to use:
Behold the field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and thou shall see it is barren.
In other words: Stop reading it if it bothers you. And check your facts before you end up ruining a poor guys relationship with assumptions. That is all.
So my solution to this, is simple, and some of my readers may have figured this out by the change in graphics: Inside an Angels Mind is an old concept. I am not that anymore, and I feel it is time for a change in domain. So sometime next week, my lovely collection of scribbles will move on. I am changing the url, the blogname, the whole shebang. Angel will perish and Ember will rise. I will be glad to provide my returning readers with the new url, upon request, though. Throw me a comment or a mail or a smoke signal, I'll get back to you.
Tired. Over and out.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Garble garble garble.
Gah, this week is all over the place. I now have a microwave! Woo! And a Sodastream! Which kinda conflicts with my trying to regulate my acid levels this year, but I'm not going entirely off anything, just setting limits, so it'll be a test of will. Positive thinking and all.
The ex picked up the rest of his stuff last night. I decided not to take any of the stuff at his place back, didn't even mention my book. It doesn't match the two others anyway, so who cares. I just want it overwith. It was sort of a relief, really, that I had no emotions at all about seeing him. Wasn't nervous, no dread, anger, sadness, happiness. It was just someone picking something up. I didn't have anything to say to him, and I didn't let him in.
I feel free of what was, with him. Which is kinda why it annoyed me that he had to text me after, it wasn't necessary, and it was such a him wanting an official ending to things kind of act. And I don't need that, I don't need him to bless my future or wish me well. I'm just fine.
The past week has been.. A rollercoaster. Been talking a lot to New Years guy. He has already decided we're going to a steam punk scenario in may together (same last name, so probably married?), and has invited me over for a weekend of my choosing, as soon as possible. And while I'm keeping everything at bay so I only like him, right now, I could really see myself like-like him. Way too soon. I barely know him. But we click, we really click. He just lives so freaking far away. And I know we've only had anything resembling flirting going on since christmas, but I'm the girl who thinks ahead. If anything happened, if we ever got to a point of serious, one of us would have to move. And it's not an issue now, but am I ready to get to that point with someone? I don't even know if I likelike him yet, so that's really the first step. Maybe I'm just blinded by the amazing sex. Gotta figure that out, so I'm working on figuring out how/when to visit. For now, it's friends with (really fucking good) benefits.
Tonight, I have an ingame date with ingameboyfriend. Ingame ex boyfriend, actually. He wrote and asked if I was up for Ren dropping by Skye's room unannounced, so I'm looking forward to awkward and yelling and hidden emotions and all the other crap that comes with them XD He and I play so well together, I'm always looking forward to our sessions, really. We have so much fun, and our humour offgame is just.. equally crazy. Sometimes I look at what we're talking about and wonder how the fuck two sane people got there. It's awesome.
So, tomorrow is my last theory lesson before the test. And I need to study for the test, I really do. I'm good on the road, but some of those specifics with how far the lights should be visible from and all that, is a long time ago now, and I need to refresh that. I generally only miss one or two questions out of 14-25, and that's acceptable, but damn if I wouldn't be ecstatic if I scored flawless.
Also, today I started my five days a week resolution! I have to go to the gym five days a week. Even if it's just for an hour. And I'm psyched about it, I really am. It will be hard as hell, but I want my body back. I want my air back. And if I hurt my foot again, I have access to the pool. 5 days a week, for four weeks. Then I'll see what I do from there.
It just occured to me how insane Czocha will be this time around, if I see NY guy more.. Dating the swedish girl, breaking up with her, crushing on Winterbourne, loving exboyfriend who's trying to win me back.. And offgame fooling around with the guy who plays my best friend. Argh! Damn, I'm gonna have to bring energy drinks, I won't get any sleep at all. And with another one of my roomies just announcing she won't attend, we're down to four sophomores who are sure to be there, and one undecided.. We might be just me and the three guys in a room. Jesus. That will be interesting.
The ex picked up the rest of his stuff last night. I decided not to take any of the stuff at his place back, didn't even mention my book. It doesn't match the two others anyway, so who cares. I just want it overwith. It was sort of a relief, really, that I had no emotions at all about seeing him. Wasn't nervous, no dread, anger, sadness, happiness. It was just someone picking something up. I didn't have anything to say to him, and I didn't let him in.
I feel free of what was, with him. Which is kinda why it annoyed me that he had to text me after, it wasn't necessary, and it was such a him wanting an official ending to things kind of act. And I don't need that, I don't need him to bless my future or wish me well. I'm just fine.
The past week has been.. A rollercoaster. Been talking a lot to New Years guy. He has already decided we're going to a steam punk scenario in may together (same last name, so probably married?), and has invited me over for a weekend of my choosing, as soon as possible. And while I'm keeping everything at bay so I only like him, right now, I could really see myself like-like him. Way too soon. I barely know him. But we click, we really click. He just lives so freaking far away. And I know we've only had anything resembling flirting going on since christmas, but I'm the girl who thinks ahead. If anything happened, if we ever got to a point of serious, one of us would have to move. And it's not an issue now, but am I ready to get to that point with someone? I don't even know if I likelike him yet, so that's really the first step. Maybe I'm just blinded by the amazing sex. Gotta figure that out, so I'm working on figuring out how/when to visit. For now, it's friends with (really fucking good) benefits.
Tonight, I have an ingame date with ingameboyfriend. Ingame ex boyfriend, actually. He wrote and asked if I was up for Ren dropping by Skye's room unannounced, so I'm looking forward to awkward and yelling and hidden emotions and all the other crap that comes with them XD He and I play so well together, I'm always looking forward to our sessions, really. We have so much fun, and our humour offgame is just.. equally crazy. Sometimes I look at what we're talking about and wonder how the fuck two sane people got there. It's awesome.
So, tomorrow is my last theory lesson before the test. And I need to study for the test, I really do. I'm good on the road, but some of those specifics with how far the lights should be visible from and all that, is a long time ago now, and I need to refresh that. I generally only miss one or two questions out of 14-25, and that's acceptable, but damn if I wouldn't be ecstatic if I scored flawless.
Also, today I started my five days a week resolution! I have to go to the gym five days a week. Even if it's just for an hour. And I'm psyched about it, I really am. It will be hard as hell, but I want my body back. I want my air back. And if I hurt my foot again, I have access to the pool. 5 days a week, for four weeks. Then I'll see what I do from there.
It just occured to me how insane Czocha will be this time around, if I see NY guy more.. Dating the swedish girl, breaking up with her, crushing on Winterbourne, loving exboyfriend who's trying to win me back.. And offgame fooling around with the guy who plays my best friend. Argh! Damn, I'm gonna have to bring energy drinks, I won't get any sleep at all. And with another one of my roomies just announcing she won't attend, we're down to four sophomores who are sure to be there, and one undecided.. We might be just me and the three guys in a room. Jesus. That will be interesting.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Mindblown.
What Christmas lacked, New Years made up for. Big time. And I say that despite of the fact that I left the party as soon as we were done singing, after clock struck midnight. I didn't see more fireworks than what happened above the glassroof. I didn't get piss drunk. I didn't dance on any tables. I didn't even call my family to say Happy New Years.
But I did have a really fun party woth a bunch of likeminded nerds. I won a Skeleton Jack deco-tile and a wizard card with professor Koppel. I helped do the food, I talked to swedes, I talked about ingame and offgame stuff, I wore a fabulous witches robe, I drank an appropriate amount of Asti, Cava and Champagne, and I ate one bite out of my dessert, before something else became more interesting.
I was aware there might be some kissing. I saw that coming when he let me know he had just gotten single, and the conversation went from offers of support and hugs, into support, hugs, champagne and possibly a bit of kissing. Mentioning no one in particular, but honestly.. I'm not that stupid. And at the party, we had only talked, smiled, hugged a bit, so when I got off the phone with the bat, I didn't expect what happened. A hug turned to some looking into each others eyes. That lead to a very sweet, inquiring and direct conversation about what would happen when we got to my place, where I had offered my couch to crash on. Cuddling, yes. Playing? he asked. And I was intrigued. Watching him all evening, feeling his arms, surrounded by his amazing smell, I was sold. So yes. Playing was agreed to. He immediately stopped drinking, and immediately started kissing in stead.
And he was soft and gentle. Exploring, curious. Carefully, carefully nipping me, till I nipped back and showed him it was okay to be firmer with me. And we soon had to stop, cause he was worried about taking it too far in front of the others. I had already forgotten they were there, cause the taste and feel of him was everything in my world. The feel of his shoulders tensing when I nibbled on his lower lip, his hands pulling me into him, while he still refused to really let go with the kissing.. It was maddening. And we kissed at midnight. He held me to him while we sang the anthems, and when people started collecting their stuff to go watch fireworks and head to the other party, we slipped out. The trip home was full of more kissing, getting to know each other, and a full on laughattack when a bypasser in the metro made a comment on all the kissing and the touching going on inside his coat.
And we got to my place, and headed straight for the bedroom. The way he touched me, kissed me, licked and nibbled at my skin.. I was trembling, bad. I could have died when he took his tshirt off. Oh. My fucking. God. His back is... damn. I have no words. I could touch it for hours. Touch him. Perfect, flawless, smooth, not too muscular, not the opposite either, just.. perfect. And he let me. He never took my hands off him. And when he sat down on the bed and slid back against the pillows, I knew I wanted to have my mouth on him too. Straddling him, kissing him, working my way down his body, and hearing his sounds of approval with my skills... I just wanted to melt right into him, and have him always feel that good. He tasted perfect, fit perfectly, moved just right, even managed to assist me with my hair so it never got in the way.
And he had me ride him after that. Holy crap. He would hold my hips down, push me backwards so I had no leverage, and push up, so he was nestled against my cervix. Not thrusting, only pushing. And when I attempted to move, to take control, it only served to have him rubbing against my g-spot, and I couldn't do a thing to stop it or even twitch without it making me shiver even harder. He would grab onto my throat, only hard enough to hold me steady, never robbing me of air or bloodflow. He would pull me down to kiss me, to bite my neck, to tease my nipples with his tongue. His hand slipped at one point during my time on top, when I was leaning down to kiss him again, and he, while playing with my ass, brushed against my other entrance, and clearly he hadn't expected me to moan. He commented on it later, he had never guessed I would be so kinky. I responded that if he found what he had seen so far kinky, I could probably scare him with what I've done before. At one point, I had a fast rythm going, and was getting really close, and he grabbed onto me and held me still. I made to move again, and he just sweetly told me I didn't get to be in control the entire time. No threat, no dominance, no challenge. He just stated a fact, and I gave in. So when I did come, a bit later... The world could have fallen and I wouldn't have noticed, I was just gone. And he actually asked if he could come in my mouth, and in stead of finding it odd or funny, I just found it dead sexy. It was very clear to me he was holding back till I had him back in my mouth, it only took a few minutes of him sounding like he died and went to heaven, before he tensed and let go. My turn to almost die and go to heaven. The look on his face when I swallowed and licked up the one drop that escaped was absolutely priceless.
Lounging about naked, getting some water, we talked. Mainly about the kinkiness. And I told him how most of my sexlife has been. He actually seemed concerned, and asked me if I had been submissive before I was with my ex. And I almost broke out laughing, but told him I knew I was submissive like 5 years before I even had sex. Though it's not all I am, but I haven't had much... opportunity to explore being dominant, or done much of the sweet lovemaking thing.
I was on my stomach when he climbed on top of me, pushing my hair aside and biting my neck. I don't know how he has managed, but I can tell every single spot he bit me, still, yet he didn't leave a mark. Not one, but my throat, neck and breasts are sore from his teeth. I am amazed.
My hands instantly curled intl the covers, and he noted his regret I had no lube, or he would have explored more of the kink. I regretted that too. I really think he would be amazing with that, and all my thoughts of needing a trusted partner for that kind of thing went down the drain. I was willing to do it without, but he wasn't. So in stead, he held my hands down and took me from behind. He didn't make it easy for me, pushing my legs apart rather than let me squeeze tight so I could come fast. Waiting till I was shivering with 'almost', then pinning me down with his hips and just holding me there till I calmed down. Biting my throat and nibbling at my ear, even pulling my head around by my hair to kiss me. And it was never hard, never any pain, only passion and need. I came twice before he let me rest, and we went to sleep.
In the morning.. I woke up when he went to the bathroom, and checked we weren't late for the clean up at the cafe. We had hours. He came back in bed, and cuddled up to me, warm, smooth, naked.. hard.
And he kissed my shoulder, my neck, and I turned to kiss him properly, and it built up again. I touched him, and his hand slipped down to play with me, and I rocked into him, realising I was already more than ready for him. But he shifted so I couldn't reach him, and started doing this mind boggling thing with his hand. He worked me up slowly, just one finger in me, thumb against my clit, till I was pushing against him, before he added a second, and he curled them and like.. latched on to my g-spot like our lives depended on me. I have absolutely no idea how or what he did, but he didn't let go. His fingers barely moved, and I was writhing like a mad person, but it felt amazing. I made sounds I have never made before, and I came in ways I have never come before. It wasn't hard, it wasn't fast, he wasn't looking to reach a goal. It was like a steady marathon rather than a sprint to the finishline, and those tini tiny massagey rocking motions just completely made me lose myself and go all body. He asked me during, chuckling and looking at me with what can only be described as fascinated wonder, how many times I had come by then. And I couldn't even tell, cause it was like I'd had 5 seperate ones that were stringed together, it never quite stopped before a new one hit full on. And we're talking an almost 20 minute span, where I was like one big, quivering mess, just from him doing that one thing. I have had intense orgasms, I have had long ones, I have had many and I have had a fair few different kinds.. But fuck me if this wasn't the most amazing one I ever had. Had he not let up on me when he did, it would have ended very wetly, too. He didn't even try to hold me still during my wriggling, he just held on and kept going.
I didn't even fully catch my breath, then he was on top of me, in me. And he felt so good like that, I could touch every inch of him, his stomach, his chest, his arms, his neck, his hair, his face, and his amazing back. And he amazed me again. He kissed me, soft and sweet and passionate, and moved ever so gently with me. And when I looked up at him, he smiled and told me it didn't all have to be kinky. That I was probably in dire need of some lovemaking. And he did. This guy, this guy I've only talked to a handful of times, this guy who I only knew had any interest like that in me two days prior, this guy I have no feelings for beyond friendship.. Second time I meet him, this guy makes love to me like he adores me and wants to be nowhere else than right there. Kissing me, resting his forehead against mine, stroking my face and neck, moaning softly against my skin, sharing shaky breaths with me, having me touch and caress him, hold him close, chest against chest, him never crushing me. I was just.. flabbergasted. It felt fucking amazing.
And when I thought I would explode if he didn't speed up, I pulled at him once with my heels, and he complied. He took me to the brink, then placed his hands on mine, and pinned me with his hips. I could not move an inch, and he was pressed tight against my cervix again, in that way where it doesn't hurt, it just makes you feel all.. filled out. Pressure like crazy. And I realised he was actually doing it to hold back, himself. He was panting and flexing as much as I was, and finally, when he had done it a few times, he gave in when I mewled, and I came hard when he moved, him following me a few seconds later, when he was sure I was set off.
It was amazing. All of it. Every single second he touched me. It was passionate and loving all the way through, and it was beyond my wildest expectations. It is the best sex I've ever had, hands down.
I loved how, during one of the little breaks, he said that it wasn't often two people who were together for the first time, had sex that kinky. I was tempted to tell him that most of my firsts have been kinky, and that his threshold for kink is a lot lower than mine, but after having already mentioned my love for breathplay and how far I've taken that before, I figured I wouldn't push his limits more, for now. He's just so sweet and tender, yet so sure of himself and able to control me through that.. I can't get over it.
In the middle of an ingame talk tonight, he linked me something offgame. Apparently it made him think of me. I found it very hard to keep our characters just friendly, after that. The sentiment was how it was very interesting how we were both playing such innocent characters, when thinking about having such kinky sex so shortly before. I agree.
http://9gag.com/gag/aVQ8nm8
But I did have a really fun party woth a bunch of likeminded nerds. I won a Skeleton Jack deco-tile and a wizard card with professor Koppel. I helped do the food, I talked to swedes, I talked about ingame and offgame stuff, I wore a fabulous witches robe, I drank an appropriate amount of Asti, Cava and Champagne, and I ate one bite out of my dessert, before something else became more interesting.
I was aware there might be some kissing. I saw that coming when he let me know he had just gotten single, and the conversation went from offers of support and hugs, into support, hugs, champagne and possibly a bit of kissing. Mentioning no one in particular, but honestly.. I'm not that stupid. And at the party, we had only talked, smiled, hugged a bit, so when I got off the phone with the bat, I didn't expect what happened. A hug turned to some looking into each others eyes. That lead to a very sweet, inquiring and direct conversation about what would happen when we got to my place, where I had offered my couch to crash on. Cuddling, yes. Playing? he asked. And I was intrigued. Watching him all evening, feeling his arms, surrounded by his amazing smell, I was sold. So yes. Playing was agreed to. He immediately stopped drinking, and immediately started kissing in stead.
And he was soft and gentle. Exploring, curious. Carefully, carefully nipping me, till I nipped back and showed him it was okay to be firmer with me. And we soon had to stop, cause he was worried about taking it too far in front of the others. I had already forgotten they were there, cause the taste and feel of him was everything in my world. The feel of his shoulders tensing when I nibbled on his lower lip, his hands pulling me into him, while he still refused to really let go with the kissing.. It was maddening. And we kissed at midnight. He held me to him while we sang the anthems, and when people started collecting their stuff to go watch fireworks and head to the other party, we slipped out. The trip home was full of more kissing, getting to know each other, and a full on laughattack when a bypasser in the metro made a comment on all the kissing and the touching going on inside his coat.
And we got to my place, and headed straight for the bedroom. The way he touched me, kissed me, licked and nibbled at my skin.. I was trembling, bad. I could have died when he took his tshirt off. Oh. My fucking. God. His back is... damn. I have no words. I could touch it for hours. Touch him. Perfect, flawless, smooth, not too muscular, not the opposite either, just.. perfect. And he let me. He never took my hands off him. And when he sat down on the bed and slid back against the pillows, I knew I wanted to have my mouth on him too. Straddling him, kissing him, working my way down his body, and hearing his sounds of approval with my skills... I just wanted to melt right into him, and have him always feel that good. He tasted perfect, fit perfectly, moved just right, even managed to assist me with my hair so it never got in the way.
And he had me ride him after that. Holy crap. He would hold my hips down, push me backwards so I had no leverage, and push up, so he was nestled against my cervix. Not thrusting, only pushing. And when I attempted to move, to take control, it only served to have him rubbing against my g-spot, and I couldn't do a thing to stop it or even twitch without it making me shiver even harder. He would grab onto my throat, only hard enough to hold me steady, never robbing me of air or bloodflow. He would pull me down to kiss me, to bite my neck, to tease my nipples with his tongue. His hand slipped at one point during my time on top, when I was leaning down to kiss him again, and he, while playing with my ass, brushed against my other entrance, and clearly he hadn't expected me to moan. He commented on it later, he had never guessed I would be so kinky. I responded that if he found what he had seen so far kinky, I could probably scare him with what I've done before. At one point, I had a fast rythm going, and was getting really close, and he grabbed onto me and held me still. I made to move again, and he just sweetly told me I didn't get to be in control the entire time. No threat, no dominance, no challenge. He just stated a fact, and I gave in. So when I did come, a bit later... The world could have fallen and I wouldn't have noticed, I was just gone. And he actually asked if he could come in my mouth, and in stead of finding it odd or funny, I just found it dead sexy. It was very clear to me he was holding back till I had him back in my mouth, it only took a few minutes of him sounding like he died and went to heaven, before he tensed and let go. My turn to almost die and go to heaven. The look on his face when I swallowed and licked up the one drop that escaped was absolutely priceless.
Lounging about naked, getting some water, we talked. Mainly about the kinkiness. And I told him how most of my sexlife has been. He actually seemed concerned, and asked me if I had been submissive before I was with my ex. And I almost broke out laughing, but told him I knew I was submissive like 5 years before I even had sex. Though it's not all I am, but I haven't had much... opportunity to explore being dominant, or done much of the sweet lovemaking thing.
I was on my stomach when he climbed on top of me, pushing my hair aside and biting my neck. I don't know how he has managed, but I can tell every single spot he bit me, still, yet he didn't leave a mark. Not one, but my throat, neck and breasts are sore from his teeth. I am amazed.
My hands instantly curled intl the covers, and he noted his regret I had no lube, or he would have explored more of the kink. I regretted that too. I really think he would be amazing with that, and all my thoughts of needing a trusted partner for that kind of thing went down the drain. I was willing to do it without, but he wasn't. So in stead, he held my hands down and took me from behind. He didn't make it easy for me, pushing my legs apart rather than let me squeeze tight so I could come fast. Waiting till I was shivering with 'almost', then pinning me down with his hips and just holding me there till I calmed down. Biting my throat and nibbling at my ear, even pulling my head around by my hair to kiss me. And it was never hard, never any pain, only passion and need. I came twice before he let me rest, and we went to sleep.
In the morning.. I woke up when he went to the bathroom, and checked we weren't late for the clean up at the cafe. We had hours. He came back in bed, and cuddled up to me, warm, smooth, naked.. hard.
And he kissed my shoulder, my neck, and I turned to kiss him properly, and it built up again. I touched him, and his hand slipped down to play with me, and I rocked into him, realising I was already more than ready for him. But he shifted so I couldn't reach him, and started doing this mind boggling thing with his hand. He worked me up slowly, just one finger in me, thumb against my clit, till I was pushing against him, before he added a second, and he curled them and like.. latched on to my g-spot like our lives depended on me. I have absolutely no idea how or what he did, but he didn't let go. His fingers barely moved, and I was writhing like a mad person, but it felt amazing. I made sounds I have never made before, and I came in ways I have never come before. It wasn't hard, it wasn't fast, he wasn't looking to reach a goal. It was like a steady marathon rather than a sprint to the finishline, and those tini tiny massagey rocking motions just completely made me lose myself and go all body. He asked me during, chuckling and looking at me with what can only be described as fascinated wonder, how many times I had come by then. And I couldn't even tell, cause it was like I'd had 5 seperate ones that were stringed together, it never quite stopped before a new one hit full on. And we're talking an almost 20 minute span, where I was like one big, quivering mess, just from him doing that one thing. I have had intense orgasms, I have had long ones, I have had many and I have had a fair few different kinds.. But fuck me if this wasn't the most amazing one I ever had. Had he not let up on me when he did, it would have ended very wetly, too. He didn't even try to hold me still during my wriggling, he just held on and kept going.
I didn't even fully catch my breath, then he was on top of me, in me. And he felt so good like that, I could touch every inch of him, his stomach, his chest, his arms, his neck, his hair, his face, and his amazing back. And he amazed me again. He kissed me, soft and sweet and passionate, and moved ever so gently with me. And when I looked up at him, he smiled and told me it didn't all have to be kinky. That I was probably in dire need of some lovemaking. And he did. This guy, this guy I've only talked to a handful of times, this guy who I only knew had any interest like that in me two days prior, this guy I have no feelings for beyond friendship.. Second time I meet him, this guy makes love to me like he adores me and wants to be nowhere else than right there. Kissing me, resting his forehead against mine, stroking my face and neck, moaning softly against my skin, sharing shaky breaths with me, having me touch and caress him, hold him close, chest against chest, him never crushing me. I was just.. flabbergasted. It felt fucking amazing.
And when I thought I would explode if he didn't speed up, I pulled at him once with my heels, and he complied. He took me to the brink, then placed his hands on mine, and pinned me with his hips. I could not move an inch, and he was pressed tight against my cervix again, in that way where it doesn't hurt, it just makes you feel all.. filled out. Pressure like crazy. And I realised he was actually doing it to hold back, himself. He was panting and flexing as much as I was, and finally, when he had done it a few times, he gave in when I mewled, and I came hard when he moved, him following me a few seconds later, when he was sure I was set off.
It was amazing. All of it. Every single second he touched me. It was passionate and loving all the way through, and it was beyond my wildest expectations. It is the best sex I've ever had, hands down.
I loved how, during one of the little breaks, he said that it wasn't often two people who were together for the first time, had sex that kinky. I was tempted to tell him that most of my firsts have been kinky, and that his threshold for kink is a lot lower than mine, but after having already mentioned my love for breathplay and how far I've taken that before, I figured I wouldn't push his limits more, for now. He's just so sweet and tender, yet so sure of himself and able to control me through that.. I can't get over it.
In the middle of an ingame talk tonight, he linked me something offgame. Apparently it made him think of me. I found it very hard to keep our characters just friendly, after that. The sentiment was how it was very interesting how we were both playing such innocent characters, when thinking about having such kinky sex so shortly before. I agree.
http://9gag.com/gag/aVQ8nm8
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