Ground Zero

I actually really like MoP. I find the pandas charming and cute. I think Kung Fu Panda won me over years ago, and I don't take the game too seriously in the first place, so I can appreciate the humour. I mean, really, cows, werewolves, pandas.. They're all furries, why should one be more believable than another? And they're bouncy.

The pet battling is a lot of fun. I’m quite enjoying it, I raised 3 pets to lvl 10. I got the Lucky Quilen Cub, my beloved Moonkin Hatchling, and Muckbreath. I’ve been spending so much time playing with the pets I’ve barely gotten anywhere with leveling Dimeeri. She’s just running around, yelling “I CHOOSE YOU!”. But that’s okay, I’m in no hurry. I was considering getting into raiding again, but it seems like most the people I liked at The Vanguard has left, even Arth. And let’s face it, I’m a social raider. Half the fun went out when Brorn went, he always cracked me up. And considering the DimDimTwins thing is pretty much as dead as can be… There’s not much to stick around for. It’s sad.

Anyways. I’ve gotten into Glee. Never thought I would, after those 2 minutes of weddingshop horror I caught on tv, back then. But watching the story behind that scene really makes it hilarious. I’m enjoying all the music, and I looooove Mr. Shuester. And now, by the mid-ending of season two, I’m aw-ing my ass off over Kurt. I love him, he’s adorable and amazing, and I want him to be real so I can be friends with him XD I didn’t know Neil Patrick Harris guest starred on the show, which was absolutely amazing. The man can sing, it’s insane. I really miss having someone to share my fascination with, though. Not just about Glee, it’s series season. I have Sons of Anarchy, Big Bang Theory, Criminal Minds, Castle and Merlin is starting up again, too. I haven’t watched Castle or Criminal Minds yet. It’ll probably be a little while till I do.

Last week really set me back, in many ways. It managed to momentarily set me back to wanting him there to comfort me. Which is entirely unacceptable. I don’t even care that I got so furious, and I don’t care if my former blog upset him, if he’s reading along. It’s the most openly honest I’ve been about it. I’m over sparing him. In the whole thinking process about whether he’s sorry or not, and what for, I can’t really help but wonder if he’d even have ever told me, had I not found out on my own. It doesn’t even make a difference, I’m sure now that whatever friendship we might have been able to build would have ended soon enough anyway, but really.

I don’t get it. I still don’t. How can you do that to your best friend, and still consider yourself a decent human being? For Christ’s sake… I’ve held your hand through anxiety. I’ve stayed up nights and nights with you, to comfort you when you were at your very darkest. I waited an entire year, just to call you mine. I’ve celebrated your wins with you. I’ve tried my best to encourage and help with your studies, even if all I could do was bake for your group and correct typos. I’ve loved your family like my own, I still do. I even opened my mind to the possibility of adding to it. I’ve held you when you’ve cried… And despite all that, despite us being so close it’s impossible to fully untwine us again, you couldn’t find it in yourself to tell me, that night when we decided it was over.

You may think you’re sorry you hurt me. But you’re not, are you? You’re sorry you got caught. You would’ve gladly lived on, happily being my friend, without me ever knowing. And had it been something insignificant, I wouldn’t give a damn. But come on… This was the biggest issue between us the entire time we’ve known each other. And you clung to your lies beyond the last moment.

Oh. And there’s one more thing. I don’t find that lifestyle wrong. I don’t consider anything being wrong with wanting that lifestyle, either. I consider it wrong to try to push it down your partner’s throat, and not respect that they don’t share the vision. I consider it wrong to live it behind their back. I consider it wrong to claim to want to be in a relationship with someone, but continuously make comments about at some point wanting to be intimate with others, knowing your partner is not interested in staying, in that case. I find that it makes the relationship idiotic to actually stay in, if one part already knows it’ll end when they find something more interesting. I find it hurtful, cause then that person has no faith in the relationship to begin with. So no, you ARE not wrong, you DID wrong. There’s a difference. And don’t think I don’t realize you were so eager to make me see, to make me understand, to make me accept and condone, cause you wanted to keep me. I know that. You wanted both. But I already told you you couldn’t, with me. I won’t settle. Not in the long run. I deserve full attention. I deserve the kind of life I want, too.

I really did love you.