Getting closer by the minute..

So, I'm thinking it's time to do a status update or something. To see how far I've come on this whole selfdiscovery journey. The past year has been so turbulent I hardly know where to start.

I'm softer. That's the best damn word for it, though it doesn't even begin to cover the meaning behind. I don't tend to bite people's heads off as much. I develope more patience on a daily level. Even with children, though I still think most of them are annoying little bastards. I'm, if possible, more observant. I've spent so much silent time, observing people at a distance, for more then a decade. Now I'm learning to observe them up close. I'm fascinated by people, I have to say that.

There are still things I need to work on. I've gotten a long way with letting people in. Well, not too far, I still have my comfort zone, but I can only do so much on my own. Then there's the perfectionism and control issues. The perfectionism is definitely improving, things don't have to be flawless anymore. It still annoys me when someone sings the wrong words in a song, but I'm able to shut up about it now. The control is still there, and I've concluded I can't kick that. However, I'm allowing the capable to take it away from me, when the opportunity offers itself. It's very liberating, and I'm hoping, at some point, it'll help me to actually hand it over, as well.

Even my moral outlines, I've been able to blur just a bit. Striving for not-so-perfect. And it's everything I wanted it to be. I'm getting to the place I want to be at. And the femininity thing is working out better then I thought. I was originally going for a little more graceful, but somewhere along the road, dresses and high heels snuck into my closet, and my attitude changed along with it.

All in all, being selfreflective opens up a whole new world. A world where you don't have to be who people want you to be, and where you can be who you really are, as soon as you figure out who exactly that is.

I'm pretty confident I'm almost there.