I'm tired. It's.. 8:48 pm, and I'm tired. I should sign up for a retirement home this instant. Been sewing all day, trying to get my costume done, and I still have like.. 5-6 hours of work left on it. So I guess I have to get up early thursday or friday and haul my ass back out to my grandmother, and finish the damn thing. Next time I decide to cover myself in plastic leafes, shoot me. Or remind me how much my back hurts right now, from sitting, bent over the damn sewing machine.
But only one day of work left, and it should be done. Grandma offered to do a bit of it tomorrow, so hopefully that'll ease my burden a bit. I'm looking forward to my future projects, but I'll demand to sit upstairs at a decent table and better chairs! More room, too. Next up is shortening my new dress, making a tulle skirt and at least two overlays to go with it. Schoolgirl skirts, gotta love them. And then I hope to be able to make a dress in the red plaid fabric as well, something along the lines of the inner part of the costume I'm making, maybe with more fabric at the bottom. We'll see how it all turns out.
I'v had a long but great weekend, though. Cirque Du Soleil, party at Simon's, losing track of my brother and having to call the police (yeah, long story, but everyone is found and safe!), and just hanging out with my brother and sister. It's been great, my siblings are really some of the best people I have in my life. All three of them ;)
It's gonna be a busy week.. Working tomorrow and thursday, finishing my dress friday, hanging out with the bat on saturday till my party in the evening, and finally relaxing on sunday! Yayness. And now I'm gonna follow my granddad upstairs and check out the new tv-signal. Cause I'm the only one other than him who thinks electronics and software is interesting, in this family. Except my brother, but he's not here right now ^.^
Longer update will follow.. At some point ^.^
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
To Knock The Wind Out Of An Angel..
Wow, okay, yesterday was completely crazy! So mom calls me and asks if I could please come to the café a little earlier then we had talked about. Sure thing, I got there and there stands my lovely brother! We had just been texting, and he didn't say anything about stopping by for my birthday, and suddenly he's just there! Great surprise, I was thinking!
So we talk, and I get flowers from mom and Tom, waiting for what I figured was my sister's arrival. And yeah, it was a little weird when my dear brother insisted on standing up, out by the jukebox, talking about what horrible music they still have, but hey, who am I to question why he wants to stand up for awhile. I just pulled out a barchair, sip my cider, and talk to him, it's so rare it happens. Which we really will change, we agreed on that.
Out of the blue, the door opens. And in comes a caravan consisting of my sister and her boyfriend, Helene, Lund, Lal, Sims and Geo, singing and waving flags in my face! My first reaction was total freezing shock. Then I screamed and hid behind a pillar XD Around me forms a circle of singing people, while I stand there, flabbergasted and completely embaressed about the huge amount of attention suddenly poored over me!
I had fucking no clue XD I mean, I knew Helene would be there later on, and I had come to the conclusion that mom wanted me there early, because of my sister, but the whole inner circle suddenly dropping on my head like that... I wouldn't have seen that coming if my IQ was doubled O.o
So my mom finally whips out this things she had been avoiding showing me for about half an hour, which was of course the video cam. So now I also have the wonderful event of watching my own reaction, coming up XD
Oh my god, and there were presents! A gift certificate from the guys, to my favourite book store! That is SO fucking awesome! Helene and Lund got me season 3 and 4 of Criminal Minds! (I guess they finally got sick of hearing me shushing them when they mention anything that happens beyond season 2! XD) And my wonderful older sister! We have been talking about travelling, going on a vacation, taking a trip, just anything, together, for years. And I've never been on an airplane. So of course, a weekend trip to Liverpool this spring is what she gets me!!!
OH MY GOD! :D I'm going to Liverpool! :D With my sister! YAY!! Like-you-wouldn't-believe-it-kind-of-yay! And a travel-savings-can that can only be opened with a can opener XD She and Lal then made a round in the bar, telling people about my present, asking if anyone would like to make a donation :D They must love me, cause according to my sister and Lal, quite a few people would very much like to, and did :D My amazing brother made his gift a donation of quite impressive size, too :D
And we had a wonderful evening, people got me drunk! (Still suffering a little bit of a hangover!) We played pool (or what you call that other game) and switched shirts, and danced (Yes, I danced! With total lack of balance! And there was laughing, and it was a really wonderful birthday :) My brother even stayed over, before he had to go to work this morning, and I don't think this whole thing could have been much better then it was :)
Thank you for a wonderful day, and what I know will be a wonderful memory for life!
So we talk, and I get flowers from mom and Tom, waiting for what I figured was my sister's arrival. And yeah, it was a little weird when my dear brother insisted on standing up, out by the jukebox, talking about what horrible music they still have, but hey, who am I to question why he wants to stand up for awhile. I just pulled out a barchair, sip my cider, and talk to him, it's so rare it happens. Which we really will change, we agreed on that.
Out of the blue, the door opens. And in comes a caravan consisting of my sister and her boyfriend, Helene, Lund, Lal, Sims and Geo, singing and waving flags in my face! My first reaction was total freezing shock. Then I screamed and hid behind a pillar XD Around me forms a circle of singing people, while I stand there, flabbergasted and completely embaressed about the huge amount of attention suddenly poored over me!
I had fucking no clue XD I mean, I knew Helene would be there later on, and I had come to the conclusion that mom wanted me there early, because of my sister, but the whole inner circle suddenly dropping on my head like that... I wouldn't have seen that coming if my IQ was doubled O.o
So my mom finally whips out this things she had been avoiding showing me for about half an hour, which was of course the video cam. So now I also have the wonderful event of watching my own reaction, coming up XD
Oh my god, and there were presents! A gift certificate from the guys, to my favourite book store! That is SO fucking awesome! Helene and Lund got me season 3 and 4 of Criminal Minds! (I guess they finally got sick of hearing me shushing them when they mention anything that happens beyond season 2! XD) And my wonderful older sister! We have been talking about travelling, going on a vacation, taking a trip, just anything, together, for years. And I've never been on an airplane. So of course, a weekend trip to Liverpool this spring is what she gets me!!!
OH MY GOD! :D I'm going to Liverpool! :D With my sister! YAY!! Like-you-wouldn't-believe-it-kind-of-yay! And a travel-savings-can that can only be opened with a can opener XD She and Lal then made a round in the bar, telling people about my present, asking if anyone would like to make a donation :D They must love me, cause according to my sister and Lal, quite a few people would very much like to, and did :D My amazing brother made his gift a donation of quite impressive size, too :D
And we had a wonderful evening, people got me drunk! (Still suffering a little bit of a hangover!) We played pool (or what you call that other game) and switched shirts, and danced (Yes, I danced! With total lack of balance! And there was laughing, and it was a really wonderful birthday :) My brother even stayed over, before he had to go to work this morning, and I don't think this whole thing could have been much better then it was :)
Thank you for a wonderful day, and what I know will be a wonderful memory for life!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Birthdays and bitches and pie, oh my!
Okay then! I'm sitting here with my dayplanner open, looking at all the stuff I'm doing the next week. Not to mention the next.. 4? weekends. So many plans! Parties, the circus, my birthday (on thursday! ... the 15th to be exact ^^), dinner plans.. Argh! Stressing!
I'm turning 20. My immediate panic about that has resided. Now I'm just stressed cause everyone seems to have plans for my birthday, that they won't tell me about -.- Deadly annoying, cause I don't know what to prepare for. The constant whispering in the corners is driving me bonkers, I believe the term is. And if it isn't; Now it is.
Been hanging out with the Bat two days in a row. Babysitting, watching movies, eating pie. Yeah, such eventful, exhilerating lifes we lead. But it's been fun, and we've been doing some talking. Some much needed talking, everything is a bit crazy.
And then there was the funny little bit from work, thursday night. This guy who's a regular that I talk to some times, a really cool guy actually, suddenly said something that was so spot on that I was shocked. Shocked that someone who barely knows me could say something so accurate about me. I was telling him and some others to get out of the pool-room so I could clean it and close up, and they were dragging their feet to leave, so I got firm with them. And this guy says to me "You've really grown into this, you know. Just 6 months ago, you'd have asked your stepdad to ask us to leave, now you show authority and do it yourself." I reply that of course, I can't just waltz in there and start ordering people around till people at least have a sense of me, till they respect me. And he smiles and says that it's nice to see a young girl like me, able to step into character when needed, and demand that kind of respect from people, that's it's nice I'm not just one of those girls who sit in a corner quietly. Then he stops himself, laughs, and corrects himself. "No, actually you do sit in the corner quietly. Observing. That's really cool, you observe so you know how to handle each person. People could learn something from you, on that account."
Then he leaves the room, and I'm frozen for a moment, before returning to my cleaning routine. That was freaky. It's EXACTLY what I do. No one has ever really spotted that, without knowing me, before. It's my way of.. How to explain it.. Get comfortable? Get secure? In a situation, a friendship, a location. It's how I operate XD A lot of people close to me knows, usually after I've told them. And this guy just sees it out of the blue. I'm flabbergasted.
My acting skills definitely need work, if an almost-stranger sees right through me like that. Those skills serve as a lifesaver. People who has gotten on my wrong side throughout life, knows what a deceitful little bitch I can be, working those skills to my benefit.
I should really be kinder. Kind was on the list of things I strive to be, I should work on that harder. But my inner evil needs to release some hellfire from time to time. So maybe I should just let it rest. For now. I can be a better person after Christmas.
I'm turning 20. My immediate panic about that has resided. Now I'm just stressed cause everyone seems to have plans for my birthday, that they won't tell me about -.- Deadly annoying, cause I don't know what to prepare for. The constant whispering in the corners is driving me bonkers, I believe the term is. And if it isn't; Now it is.
Been hanging out with the Bat two days in a row. Babysitting, watching movies, eating pie. Yeah, such eventful, exhilerating lifes we lead. But it's been fun, and we've been doing some talking. Some much needed talking, everything is a bit crazy.
And then there was the funny little bit from work, thursday night. This guy who's a regular that I talk to some times, a really cool guy actually, suddenly said something that was so spot on that I was shocked. Shocked that someone who barely knows me could say something so accurate about me. I was telling him and some others to get out of the pool-room so I could clean it and close up, and they were dragging their feet to leave, so I got firm with them. And this guy says to me "You've really grown into this, you know. Just 6 months ago, you'd have asked your stepdad to ask us to leave, now you show authority and do it yourself." I reply that of course, I can't just waltz in there and start ordering people around till people at least have a sense of me, till they respect me. And he smiles and says that it's nice to see a young girl like me, able to step into character when needed, and demand that kind of respect from people, that's it's nice I'm not just one of those girls who sit in a corner quietly. Then he stops himself, laughs, and corrects himself. "No, actually you do sit in the corner quietly. Observing. That's really cool, you observe so you know how to handle each person. People could learn something from you, on that account."
Then he leaves the room, and I'm frozen for a moment, before returning to my cleaning routine. That was freaky. It's EXACTLY what I do. No one has ever really spotted that, without knowing me, before. It's my way of.. How to explain it.. Get comfortable? Get secure? In a situation, a friendship, a location. It's how I operate XD A lot of people close to me knows, usually after I've told them. And this guy just sees it out of the blue. I'm flabbergasted.
My acting skills definitely need work, if an almost-stranger sees right through me like that. Those skills serve as a lifesaver. People who has gotten on my wrong side throughout life, knows what a deceitful little bitch I can be, working those skills to my benefit.
I should really be kinder. Kind was on the list of things I strive to be, I should work on that harder. But my inner evil needs to release some hellfire from time to time. So maybe I should just let it rest. For now. I can be a better person after Christmas.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
On a Journey..
Rollercoasters. I've always loved them. The wilder, the better. I don't get why they're so often compared to life, though. To me, the fun part about roller coasters, is going down. And in life, the down part is never any fun. So it's a very vague comparison, isn't it? Contradicting, even.
Or maybe it's the unknown. What's behind the next bend or corner, versus what's the consequences of your next choice. Choice is a very sensitive topic, with me. My choices, my life. Your choices rule your life, directs what path you take. And I haven't been good at letting others choose my path. I don't think I should be.
I've been selfreflecting for months. Trying to figure out what my place in life is. In reality, I think I've known all along. I'm the kind of person who makes decisions. Decisions I don't necessarily like, but I know is necessary. I'm the kind of person who takes on a job with a dedication and vehemence as if my life depended on it. I combine logic with creativity to find solutions, then find the flaws and optimize them. I'm a natural leader, I know how to command without being cruel, and taking on repsonsibility comes easily to me.
The unknown scares people. It scares me as well. But fear is one of the things making me feel a little more human, and so I meet my fears the best I can.
And I'm very scared right now. I don't let it show, it takes an intimacy unknown by many, to get close enough to me to see that. If there's something I don't want to show, it's very hard to see. Possible, but very hard.
And what am I scared of? Time. The future. The past. Loneliness. My choices. It can take my breath away, sometimes I find myself hyperventilating and crying, cause nothing is solid, and I need something to cling to. But nothing is there.
Sometimes I think I would actually benefit from talking to someone. About the past. I'm not naïve enough to think I'm not scarred. Just a few months ago, it still scared me to be touched in certain ways. To be close to another person in any way. I still hold back on very innocent caresses, they often seem foreign and out of place to me. Some touches bring out memories I don't want in my head.
But a lot of that fear, if not most, has been healed. It's a weight off my shoulders, and I'm forever grateful for it. In stead of going rigid, I light up, I melt, I respond. And it feels natural to do so, finally. It's liberating, really.
I'm one step closer to discovering myself. And it's not a roller coaster all the time.
Or maybe it's the unknown. What's behind the next bend or corner, versus what's the consequences of your next choice. Choice is a very sensitive topic, with me. My choices, my life. Your choices rule your life, directs what path you take. And I haven't been good at letting others choose my path. I don't think I should be.
I've been selfreflecting for months. Trying to figure out what my place in life is. In reality, I think I've known all along. I'm the kind of person who makes decisions. Decisions I don't necessarily like, but I know is necessary. I'm the kind of person who takes on a job with a dedication and vehemence as if my life depended on it. I combine logic with creativity to find solutions, then find the flaws and optimize them. I'm a natural leader, I know how to command without being cruel, and taking on repsonsibility comes easily to me.
The unknown scares people. It scares me as well. But fear is one of the things making me feel a little more human, and so I meet my fears the best I can.
And I'm very scared right now. I don't let it show, it takes an intimacy unknown by many, to get close enough to me to see that. If there's something I don't want to show, it's very hard to see. Possible, but very hard.
And what am I scared of? Time. The future. The past. Loneliness. My choices. It can take my breath away, sometimes I find myself hyperventilating and crying, cause nothing is solid, and I need something to cling to. But nothing is there.
Sometimes I think I would actually benefit from talking to someone. About the past. I'm not naïve enough to think I'm not scarred. Just a few months ago, it still scared me to be touched in certain ways. To be close to another person in any way. I still hold back on very innocent caresses, they often seem foreign and out of place to me. Some touches bring out memories I don't want in my head.
But a lot of that fear, if not most, has been healed. It's a weight off my shoulders, and I'm forever grateful for it. In stead of going rigid, I light up, I melt, I respond. And it feels natural to do so, finally. It's liberating, really.
I'm one step closer to discovering myself. And it's not a roller coaster all the time.
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