Not clearing up one bit.

The nights are the worst.

I miss him. I haven't spoken to him once, since. He's gone totally missing, removed himself from my reach. I know him well enough to understand why, but it still hurts.

I miss him every single day. Not just like one would miss someone who's away. I miss him like a severed limb. Like part of me is missing.

I don't know if he's okay, and it's wreaking havoc on me. I have nightmares, I don't sleep much, and when I do it's exhaustion causing me to nap at random hours.

I've requested not to have him brought up. At all. I can't, it chokes me to think of having lost him. Like my throat is too tight for my windpipe. I can't talk about it.

I'm not even sure I'm making my masque believable. I try to be cheerful around people. I focus on my exams, but they'll be over very soon. I've done things to my apartment. Cleaned, painted, gotten new furniture. I read. Anything to keep my mind off it. Yet the pain is the same.

I miss him. I miss him so fucking much it makes me furious. I want to yell and scream at him and blame him for making me love him, only to walk away. But I couldn't, even if I had the chance. Cause he didn't want to, he needed to. And I want him to be happy and okay.

I wish I knew he was okay. I wish he knew I miss him. It's hard to keep the yearning and pain away at night.

Fuck.