A bit about love and thunder

Hi Peepers.

Tonight I'm in a bit of a weird mood. I've had a good day, I had a good friend over (We were supposed to go to the gym, but I haven't been feeling well cause the humidity is through the roof, so I can't breathe very well. Gym seems a bad move) and we had dinner and just chilled. Earlier I did some cleaning and went to get some plants for the balcony. And now I'm lying on my couch, watching the lightning and listening to the rain and the thunder outside. The balcony door is open so I can really enjoy it, and I turned off the lights and the TV. Enjoying the silence.

I guess I'm nostalgic. Something about this reminds me of when A and I first started dating, and I kinda miss it. Not that, in particular, but the initial stages of being with someone new. I miss going for a walk in the summer rain, coming home and huddling together to watch a movie under blankets. I miss how the smell of rain and the atmospheric tension before thunder makes the feeling of being in love more intense. I don't know why, but it does. I miss having someone to share some of these moments with, lying in the dark and just marvelling at nature's beauty together.

I recently had a very unexpected realisation that I'm ready to fall in love again. There was a specific situation, where my attraction to someone made me think it all the way through, imagining if I could even see myself with that person. And until now, it's been a no, when I've done that with anyone, after A and I broke up. It hasn't happened. And then, recently, it did.

And it's not about the specific person, cause that's not happening anyway (for various practical reasons), it was just the realisation that if it happened, if I fell for them, that would be okay. It wouldn't be a "NOPE, NOT READY!" situation.

Actually, I kinda freaked out about it when I realized, and freaked out a friend too, because my reaction was so overwhelming, compared to my usually more composed attitude, these days. But it was just so weird to feel relaxed and open about the possibility. So basically I freaked out about not freaking out. Well, Peepers, you know I'm a little nutty, so you're not surprised, are you?

I'm still not in a place where I'm thinking "Omg, I totes needs a Tinder profile!". Okay, I'll probably never think that, but you know what I mean. I'm just open to things happening if they happen. That's all.

That said, if it has to happen, I wouldn't mind it being the person who made me realize.. Which makes me a bad human, so I'll just go scrub that image out of my mind.

Don't get hurt if you fall, Peepers.