Half a novel

Ah yes, so what's new... Czocha stuff will be a bit further down, cause it's a lot. And I know I rant about it.

Went to the bat's birthday, and got drunkety drunk-drunk. In the future: Do not agree to be test subject to welcome drink. None of the batches. I felt like I was dying the next day. And obviously I lacked major judgement, I let an old friend kiss me, though I have absolutely zero interest. I don't know why I allowed that. So no more mindless drunkness for this girl. I end up doing shit I regret in the morning, and apparently I needed the reminder. I'm going to pretend it didn't happen, it's just better that way. For everyone involved.

I finally made up my mind about mindlessly good sex guy. The title says it all, huh? Yeah, no feelings. And I was excited for him when he told me he's now seeing someone. He deserves it, he's a good guy. I had a talk with a friend that really settled my mind about things like that, confusion about guys. I was reminded about my sureness with the two guys I have loved. How it was there from the first moment. That feeling of "absolutely fucking yes". It's the feeling of knowing this person will be an important part of your life, whether it ends good or bad. The recognition of someone who can change you. That's what I need to tell myself, when I'm confused. That is the kind of feeling I want. I won't say looking for, cause I'm really not, I'm just enjoying the ride right now, but confusion and maybes will show up. And I think that's a good thing. So I take that with me, from my little new years adventure. Only positive things.

I missed Junction last time. I had an arm that wanted to be a bitch, and ended up having to go to the ER, but everything solved itself in the span of a few days, so nothing to worry about. I jammed a nerve, basically. No biggie, but the pills were enough to keep me home. Which is annoying, cause I have major plotting going on right now. Major! I'm flipping the fishtank over. More on that as progress is made.

Okay, so Czocha! The place... It takes a life of its own, man. Seriously, it's magic. And I love it. The pureblood party had Skye's girlfriend freaking about the pressure from her family, and she ended up kissing this pureblood d-bag in front of everyone. One of Skye's friends saw it, and later told Skye, when flying to the party all the non-pures were at. Skylar, in retribution, ended up snogging her Muggle Studies professor... Of course, the next day, it was all fights and accusations and hurt, and Skye had to covor up the kissing, to protect Winterbourne's (That's the teacher) reputation. So she had a rumour spread that she really kissed a junior from her house, and that the horror those in the know were showing was from him being in a relationship with someone else. He was a good sport about it, and of course helped out his housemate.

Anyway! Winterbourne wrote Skye. And from there, establishing neither regretted what happened, spired a mutual crush and attraction, which in turn.. has become an affair. A kinky, exploring, restraints and whips, blindfolds and sneaking around affair. Seriously, the messages the two exchange make me blush. But it's so much fun, all intense and.. going from shy, inexperienced little Skye to major kink-lover Skye is only the blink of an eye between. Which totally took the guy playing him by surprise XD And now, their little fling is actually starting to get serious. There are feelings. Witnterbourne is in an open relationship with another teacher, who is away on maternity leave with their child. And she wants him to be free to explore. But he is really more of a traditional man, and he sees all the goodness, kindness and love in Skye, and it makes him yearn for it. Skylar feels drawn to his calm and sincerity, the maturity, kindness and intelligence, and she admires his patience and passion. And they would be SO GOOD for each other! Seriously, it would be the healthiest relationship either of them could ever be in, if they ended up together for real. But of course, there are more complications.

Rendor. The ex. Whom Skylar still has feelings for. And maybe even more so than before. They've had these.. intimate moments, like when they almost kissed in the cellar, but also very friendly things, like a wrestling match in their room, where they were all silly and knocking each other over. Or like the night Skye basically invaded his bed in a drunken haze, and he let her have it and slept on the floor, being the perfect gentleman. Or when he asked her to be his designated healer in a duel, which he lost and got hurt in, and her taking care of him immediately and in the following days. Him comforting her when she was sad, holding her and kissing her hair. Many good times.

Rendor proposed to his new girlfriend, though. And Skye is pretending not to know, but Fianna, the girl, told her. And she's going to say no. It's tearing Skye up. She wants to tell him she knows. She wants to pretend it never happened. He proposed to someone! She's hurt and angry. But she wants him to be happy, too. And this girl is going to turn him down. And break his heart. And Skye doesn't want to comfort him, cause she's heartbroken, but he's.. Ren. And she'll do anything to make him happy again. Oh. Right. That reminds me.

After the duel he was in, Skye was the first one at his side, already on her way to defend him before he was fully down. Cesca saw, and also saw exactly what Skye felt... She ran off, trashed Ren and Skye's room, burned Skye's books and homework, and went to cry with her best friend. Skylar found her in her room later, and Cesca called her on her bullshit. She knew Skye was in love with Ren, she threatened to tell everyone, and then she made the biggest mistake. She threatened to send someone to hurt him. And Skye went to protector mode. She obliviated her girlfriend. Took away her memory of seeing anything on Skye that day, and took away her feelings of anger and jealousy towards Ren. Took away her suspicion. And Skye has to live with that. She protected someone she loves from harm, but by violating her girlfriend's mind.

She generally feels more and more terrible about herself. She feels guilty and in too deep to get out. Cesca is selfdestructive and vindictive, and it makes Skye afraid to break it off with her, and in stead, she's trying to compensate for what she did, by being a better girlfriend. In stead of just ending it and deal with the consequences. But she's partly afraid of Cesca hurting someone else, and hurting herself. She doesn't want anyone to be hurt.

She's spiraling, the poor girl. She's also working on a spell to remove Ren's scar. She hasn't told anyone that. People know she's working on a healing spell, and Winterbourne knows it removes scars, but no one knows it's for Ren. Not even Ren himself. And it's a beautiful, intricate spell that has limits, flaws and conditions, and I loooove it. Michael helped making it poetic, even. In order for it to work, it has to be cast by the same person who caused the scar. But also, and Skye hasn't figured this part out yet, the relationship between the caster and the patient has to be mended before the damage can be. So while using herself as a test subject, Skye can't always make it work. On days when she's feeling guilty over something she's done, or is in a bad place confidence wise, her relationship with herself is off, and therefore the spell won't work. Tricky little bugger ^.^

That is all for now, though I could tell tons more. I'm exhausted! Nighty night, world.

Witches and wizards and vampires, oh my!

I have no hamsters left. Dirch died last night. I saw it coming, he was all weak and shaky yesterday, and honestly, he was like... 40% older than he was supposed to be. He clearly died in his sleep, though, so it was peaceful.

I'm obsessing a bit, these days. My mind is going in circles around the same things, and I'm actively distracting myself, so I don't go all OCD on myself. I'm working hardcore on my Czocha notebook, cause it gives me something to do. It will be so freaking awesome. I'm RPing, both Vampire and Czocha. Messy messy messy! And I'm trying to be mindful of my wrist, which decided to actually pop out of the socket the other day, so that was... painful and weird.

I'm rambling, can you tell yet? I've started watching Vampire Diaries O.o Figured I'd give it a chance, and suddenly I'm like 20 episodes in. It's not that bad, when you get in a few episodes. Not mind boggling or anything, but decently entertaining.

I had a weird moment a few days ago.. I was about to wash my hair, and I had to do a rather awkward wet-haired retrieval of a different shampoo, in the middle of everything. The smell... It's stupid. It just smelled like him, and it freaked me out. Because for just a moment, I missed him. I can't explain it. The shampoo smell had me thinking about the smell of the deodorant he used to wear when we first started seeing each other. He switched away from it a few years back, but I loved it. And those smells just went together. I could recall them when we weren't together, and it would make my heart beat faster and make me feel.. Well. Make me feel. All sorts of things. And for just a fracrion of a second, that was what I missed. I missed omelets, showing up at midnight to just hang, playong WoW in nothing but underwear and a blanket, reading in each our end of the couch, drinking tea and watching the snow while sharing childhood memories.

It was kind of a stab to the heart. And then I chose a different shampoo and finished what I was doing. Putting on my Emma face and going off the the clan meeting. I'm going to feel stabs. I just have to live with that.

The clan meeting went well. Things I said six months ago about structure, and gameplay, are finally being acknowledged. So that's that. A few of us continued the evening at my place, and I ended up sitting awake all night with one of the guys, talking. It was interesting. One of the topics he brought up was how I had helped him step a little more out of his shell. I'm not going to deny it, I have been helping him build up his confidence. It didn't take much, really. He just needed a friendly face who believed in him. Someone to build him up and ship him out in the world. I'm totally proud of him. And he was commenting on it cause he sees how I'm doing the same to his friend. Slightly younger guy, who I'm playing a couple with, in the campaign. It's kind of interesting to see him flower a bit, from just a bit of positive attention and some cuddling. Totally innocent. But I need to get some kind of conflict between us, soon, to test his confidence. To make him step up and defend what's his. Young guys are easy to deal with, like that. I've given him all the tools, now he needs to show me he can use them.

I'm gonna end up like that ghost at Czocha, with her Chocolate boys.

Anyhow. That's all for now, I'm dead tired. Update on Czocha stuff soon!