It had to hurt at some point.

My sunday was just slow. A bit boring, really. Now I'm just.. sad, hurt and angry.

I don't care if I'm overly sensitive about it. He just doesn't get it. He never has, and he never will. But it actually meant something that he was willing to respect that I can't be around them, and I can't be close with people who are close with them. How can he think that that will just stop being a factor, cause we're not a couple anymore? He doesn't see that to me, that's like saying he doesn't want me to be his friend. That my wishes only mean something to him if we're a couple.

As if it wasn't enough I have to endure her presence on the team! Which is only another factor that pisses me off. I called back the fucking veto for his sake. To show him I'm willing to try, for him. And not only have I lost him, he even fucking invites her in...

One person was supportive to me about her participating. One. One person was willing to actually /hear/ me. Not just listen, nod their head, say they support me and then go "but...". And it wasn't my at-the-time-boyfriend. And I don't even expect them to, you know? I don't expect everyone to just stop knowing the people in the world who has really fucking hurt me.

But if I'm supposed to be close with someone? The someone who was involved in the whole deal, even. I can't be close to someone who's close to them. No amount of time, effort or therapy would change that, at this point. I wanted to try, I wanted to give it a go, for his sake, for our sake. But that's pretty meaningless now, isn't it? My effort wasn't enough.

I want him in my life. I want to be in his. But how the hell am I supposed to, if he invites the people who hurt me the most, to participate? What's next, he'll be buddies with my bio dad?

This is exactly why I never know if I'm able to be friends with him. Cause how the fuck do I cope if he ends up as one of those people? Again, I'm tempted to say, cause I was.. beyond miserable last time it happened.

This is one of those days where I'm full of regret.