Surprise! Oh, and I'm a Libra!

Oh my, time flies when you're having fun? Don't really have a good reason for not blogging for the last few weeks, I guess I've just been too busy living. And I even got my computer back, so it's not like it would have been a struggle. But eh, it's my damn blog, I can update it whenever I bloody want, right?

Anyhows. I'm in a really good mood today. I've had a really good weekend, that in no way explains why I'm so tired today. Well, okay, it sort of does, come to thing about it. I got woken up at 9am (on a sunday!!!) and what started out as cleaning up a bit, turned into some serious cleaning of The Desk Of Doom and one kitchen that I'm in no way done with yet. Though the whole stove-thing gave me an almost orgasmic satisfaction, once I was done. I know, I'm terrible. But there's just something about clean, shiny surfaces that strokes my inner tigress and makes her purr.

I've found I rather like doing chores, lately. Not so much my own, but then again, right now there's not that much other then laundry that needs to be done. Except for perhaps mirrors. But even tidying up, arranging pillows and- wait! Oh, I've complete skipped blogging about that that! Bugger. The Bat's birthday! It was wednesday. And, being the extremely awesome creature that is me, I had arranged for a major surprise for her. I have been entertaining the idea of getting her some furniture for awhile. Mostly because, well, people end up sitting on really strange blow-up objects at her place, in lack of enough seats.

So of course, my brilliant mind decided months ago to get the poor girl a couch. She's been in the damn apartment for what, 2 years? It's about bloody time. And after the whole boyfriend incident that we're not getting further into, I was pretty damn sure the change in surroundings were welcome. So I scrouged up 10 of her friends and my mom (who was generous enough to pitch in last moment), spread the idea, and get a trip to Ikea organized. Badabing badabum, and the whole thing is going.

However. I wanted it to be a surprise. So it couldn't be on her actual birthday, for one, cause she'd expect me to be around on the day itself. And it couldn't be on the day of her birthday party, cause that would both be too obvious, and too annoying with big furniture boxes all over, and people on top of eachother, trying to.. fit into a one-room apartment XD SO! I talk to Geo, who is responsible for getting us a car to transport stuff in, and we come to the conclusion that tuesday, the day before the actual birthday, would be perfect, seeing as I knew for a fact she would be out, during at least some of the evening. Dates can be very helpful for my plotting and scheming.

Tuesday afternoon, I meet up with Geo and Martin, and together we go on a train ride, followed by a quick bus trip, and Ikea suffers the loss of one couch, one coffee table, one bookshelf, one shoeshelf, one doormat, two blankets and five pillows. All carefully selected online, the night before, for timesaving reasons. Back towards the city we go, me sitting on an old hoover in the back of the van, clinging on for dear life, and we reach the apartment. Checking for lifesigns and finding the place empty, as expected, I let myself in, and the fun begins.

Simon shows up to help assemble stuff, and later on, Kenny also appears. And we get a good bit of it done, the couch is in one piece, the table is looking like a table, the bookshelf is being tricky, and the doormat and shoeshelf is all done and where they ought to be. However. The place is a mess, the bookshelf should be full of dvd's, the couch is in the middle of the room, and the tv can't be moved where I want it. And the Bat has just texted me, saying she's on her way home. Crapshit.

There was a very brief moment of silence, before panic burst out. 5 seconds later, I'm yelling at one person to tighten the last bolts on the shelf, another to get the couch against the wall and move the bedtable, a third to get me all her dvd's for the shelf, and scrambling for an excuse for Simon to meet her out front and go get pizza. I have no idea what the poor boy told her of lies, but it worked. Thank god, and whatever holy in this world, he had luck to drag her off, and give us time to actually get the place back in order. And it looked awesome when we were done.

When they got back from the pizza place, the guys were sitting around on the new couch, and a few chairs, having a beer and a smoke, being very quiet till I had had time to warn her that I "accidentally did something to her apartment". She noticed the shoeshelf and doormat immediately. She did not notice the 3 pairs of male shoes, next to mine and Simon's XD She was just marveling at the great present I had gotten her. Then, with clear apprehension about what on earth I had done to her place, she gently pushed the door to the livingroom open, to the guys smiling, greeting her casually home, asking about her date.

I have never in my life seen someone drop their jaw that immensely. And I enjoyed every second of it. Even though the shocked silence did eventually worry me a bit, coming from her XD I caught her stroking the table several times during the evening, as we sat around it, eating pizza, talking about how great is was to surprise her like this, and how much fun it had been seeing her face as she entered. It was worth everything to do that. To see her absolute, shining happiness and love for her friends, in that moment. To know that we could cause such a positive reaction from her. It really does beat a giftcertificate, doesn't it?

So yeah, even the panicked clean-up, waiting for her to appear, finding cardboard and plastic all over, was sort of a joy to me. Cause I knew I was working towards a goal that would make someone happy. And the everyday chores I've been doing a bit of this weekend, has been like that, too. It's not a bother for me to do it, I actually find routine-work like dishes, cleaning, sorting stuff, quite relaxing for my mind. Knowing that doing it helps someone else? Makes it therapy. Today was very therapeutic. Cleaning the desk, without having been asked to, getting some much needed dusting done, doing the dishes and cleaning the stove and walls, while hearing him singing along with disney-tunes in the other room, relaxing after vacuuming. And I enjoyed it all the more, knowing he would get to relax that much longer, for the more I got done. To me, the hug by the sink was "payment" enough.

It's really rather stupid, isn't it? Well, more like contradicting. That someone as stubborn as me, is also so much of a pleaser as I am. An old friend of mine asked me today, if I wasn't afraid to be taken advantage of. And honestly? No, not really. I think I've gotten used to the idea of the world as a cold, cunning bitch. There's always going to be people taking advantage of you, given the opportunity. However, when I do things because making a specific person happy makes me happy, I don't see how I'm supposed to feel taken advantage of. It's my choice, no one is asking it of me. I do it in the hope of helping. In the hope of removing a burden, however small of insignificant. In the hope of making a difference. Of making everything a little easier for people I love.

Apparently, it's a Libra thing. I usually don't believe in zodiacs and astrology and all that crap, but a former friend of mine made a reference from a book about Libra's, that I can't help but find to be very true about myself. In short, cause the whole thing was absurdly long, said that female Libra's are known for "gently removing the rocks and pebbles from their loved ones' path". We're caretakers, us female Libra's. Heh, or so this book says. But I have to give that one a high five for being spot on. *High five!*

Now, I am very tired, and I have yet another dentist thing tomorrow, with a new dentist person. My old one had to go do stuff. Like giving birth. So I'm left to pray for the new one being as great as the first one. Since I really don't like dentists in the first place. They make me uncomfortable. Till the get going, that is, and I'm bored out of my mind, and annoyed by the strangely dim-but-yet-blinding lights they use.

I wanted to do some more WoW'ing today, but I honestly got too angry with the nuisance of bickering. People in dungeons are so freaking petty. I'm disappointed with them. I wish them all into the jaws of something lvl 80 elite. Something angry with big teeth and lots of spawns.

I will try to write a bit, or pass out on the bed, whatever suits me best in 5 minutes.

Byyyyeee nerds.

The little things.

I can't help but wonder. The human creature is a marvelous being, isn't it? It can go from calm and content to panic in a split second, and then from panic to apathy in another. And then there's that moment when a human gets just exactly what they need, to feel the apathy and panic melt away or simply become unimportant. I'm fascinated by that.

I left the christmas party early. Partly because, as expected, a lot of people were very drunk, and the indulgence in brain-cell-destroying smoke was a bit over the top for me. And partly, no mostly, because something else was more important. I won't be specifying why or what, it's not my place or public info, I'll leave it at being wanted/needed? elsewhere.

And though many my age would consider a night of drinking, dancing, partying, flirting and socializing with 20 people, where you could call at least 10 of them your friends, the best way to spend a saturday night at the age of 20, I'd trade that any day for what I got. Peace and quiet, music from grand, epic scenes from a bunch of awesome movies, bundled up on the couch against a person you care about, reading a great fantasy book, threading fingers through their hair. Ordering food in the middle of the night, once again discussing my horrible taste in something XD It never fails to amuse me how little I seem to care about quality, compared to the standards of a certain someone ^^ Maybe I'm just a slave to habits. I don't go searching for new things without a reason, very often.

Watching the snow come fluttering down in the morning was amazing. The amount of little flakes was impressive, how they blanketed the whole street, the whole world, just outside the window. It surprised me how peaceful it felt, sitting there, wrapped in the covers, engulfed by the smell of warm apple and cinnamon, talking about childhood memories of the snow.

That was a moment I hope I can put in the little mental box of "Don't ever forget".

I'm grateful that his presence seems to chase away my insomnia. Which is weird, I'm so used to having a harder time sleeping, if there's someone else there, but I guess my mind is too calm and focused on the good things, there, to bother acting up. I rarely feel as rested as when waking up to the heat of his hand closing around my wrist, and the smell of his warm skin all around. It screams safety and comfort in an indeniable way. Trust. The kind of trust that doesn't make me afraid.

Getting out of bed was hilariously akward. I've never darted for clothes that fast before. I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that their kids or stepkids, of that age, sees people of the opposite sex, also in their time as singles, but when the girl sitting in the bed has only had time to pull on a hoodie and drag the covers up around her waist, not to mention the mess of a tangle of hair on her head, I think even the most cool parent would be unable to find it a little amusing.

Going out for dinner after 10pm on a sunday night, still dressed in the tight leather dress and matching boots, from the party the night before. I was almost able to ignore the stares from people on the street, most of my concentration was on not slipping or falling. After dinner, I got to go change at home, and then 4 hours was spent at boomtown, gaming our little hearts out ^.^ I still do miss my computer.

It was karma, though. When we finally set our destination home, I was roughly and rudely dragged out of my metro, so I could entertain till his arrived. Oh no, don't think about the fact that I have to wait after you're gone. Snark little bastard. But how can you not forgive that, when the waiting time is spent being danced with. Very randomly, humming a commercial tune, just swaying around surrounded by grey concreit. It actually warmed me enough that I felt truly sorry when he called and said he'd gotten off on the wrong station and decided to walk the rest of the way. Damn cold.

I can't help but wonder, at it. How, despite all the shit that's happening these days, how the world seems to be falling down and drowning everyone.. I can smile with him. I said something to a friend today, that I haven't really put in words before, that suddenly seemed obvious. That person was heartbroken about something, and was afraid of the future. Afraid that everytime they were happy, something bad would happen and ruin it. If you think of it that way, you'll always be disappointed. You'll never really allow yourself to be happy, in fear of losing happiness again. I think the way to go, is the other way around. I think there will always be bad things in your life. It's built that way, on some level it will always suck to be human. But happiness is what you get, so you can have a break from the crap. It's the space you get to breathe freely in, to forget the bad for awhile. And you should enjoy it fully.

And those breathers can be found so many places, if you're willing to let yourself see them. In the smiles of others, in setting a goal and pulling through, however small that goal is, in reliving memories or trying something new. In snowballfights in the middle of the night, or in making someone who needs it laugh. Or in dancing at a deserted metro station at the crack of dawn, to the humming of a commercial tune.