Look at me all writing semi-regularly, Peepers. Go me.
I'm stressed. A lot of things going on, not enough time. It's shit, but it'll pass. My body isn't liking it, though, that's my only real complaint.
It's been a weird time. My sister made contact with my mom about three weeks ago. She wanted mom to ask me if I'd meet up with her if she "made the sacrifice and apologized". Apparently, this wording wad an attempt at breaking the ice with humor. Which is extremely misplaced, to begin with. And also makes me think she's not taking it serious. So my response was that sure, if she meant that she was sorry. If she doesn't mean it, I'm not interested.
Neither me or my mom have heard from her since. So that's.. Interesting. I don't know of she thinks that was the apology she needed to make. Or maybe she's waiting for me to initiate contact. She'll be waiting forever, if that's the case. Maybe she's still working on the actual apology. Who the hell knows. I think the saddest thing is that I have no positive expectations. I'm honestly not counting on her being able to deal with this maturely and with any kind of self reflection. That is, if she's ever initiating contact.
The M situation is a lot better. We talked about the fight and agreed we were both idiots. He admitted to being insensitive to the fact that it's an important topic to me, and maybe a little blind to the issues given his background, and I admitted being a little trigger-happy when it came to taking things personally that were meant generally.
We've actually been having a lot of talks lately. Some of them about trust and privacy. And, funny enough, I'm going to keep the details to myself, cause it would be such a breach of privacy to talk about them here. But what I can say is that we're making an effort to meet each other halfway, in some situations that needed that. I don't think either of us had realised the behaviour or need to adress it before recently, so I'm glad that happened and got talked through in a nice way. Once again, he makes me feel heard.
It may seem like I'm not feeling things the same way as before, when it comes to him, but.. There's a serious filter of self control. I still get excited every time he pops up. I'm disappointed when I really want to tell him something and he isn't around. When he's upset, I'm there 1000% for him, and I only have to ask, and he's there right back. The connection is there. It's being held on a short leash, but it's there. I miss him right now, cause he's been gone all day. I haven't had time to talk even if he'd been here, cause social thing, but I've missed him anyway.
I have so much more I want to talk about, Peepers, but I'm tired. And I have a hangout and a ton of homework tomorrow, so I gots to go. Sweet dreams.
