Have you ever noticed how sneezing can be the actual freaking worst? Seriously, as satisfying as a sneeze can be, it can equally be the worst feeling ever. You know what I mean, right?
There's the unfortunate sneeze, like when you're just shaking hands with someone, or worse, hugging someone. That's so uncomfortable. For both parties involved.
There's the 6th-day-of-a-nasty-cold sneeze, when you've been coughing so much your ribcage might be cracking. Fuck, that hurts!
There's the sneeze in the middle of sex, when you learn just how much pressure you can produce, as a female, and how that pressure can propel things out of you, that was otherwise being held there with the strength of another human being. While that is incredibly unsettling, and will often remind you, again, as a woman, what your body is capable of pushing out of there, which might not be the ultimate mood setter, at least it has an entertainment value.
And then there's the worst. The absolute worst. The Lady Sneeze. See, related to the above, the Birth-Canal of Doom, to name it elegantly, has a nasty and annoying habit once every 4th week (ideally, but some of us are more or less lucky than that). We all know it, we all hate it, but nature is nature. And once the floodgates are open, there's just no stopping it. And so, the worst sneeze is the Lady Sneeze. It's like an explosion, and not in any good way. My mental picture is like a liquid shotgun shooting into a bowl with very open curves. Splatterguards and safety glasses needed.
It's the worst. Feeling. Ever. It makes me want to be a man for a day, and get kicked in the balls, just to compare. I guess you'd have to compare pain to discomfort, and maybe the measures aren't really even or it translates horribly, but seriously. Do you even know how often a man is kicked in the balls during his life, compared to how many females sneeze during their period throughout theirs? Are there averages on this? Cause if I can take 40 kicks to the balls over a lifetime, rather than 300 Lady Sneezes over a lifetime.. I think I'm up for that.
It's 4am. You can't expect me to be deep and philosophical at this point.
Night Peepers.
